Lesbian Erotica/Girls

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Question
QUESTION: Dear Blue,

I'm 18, openly lesbian, and a college freshman.

My problem is I'm terrible at being able to tell when a girl is being flirty or  just really friendly. I've hit on straight girls, and missed opportunities with lesbians because, as my friend jokingly tells me " my gaydar is broken".

I hate being a hetero's random sexual adventure, but since entering college it seems all I ever encounter are bisexual or bi-curious women. I know there are other lesbians on campus, but the ones I'm friends with are taken. She doesn't have to be on this campus though, even going out with friends my luck isn't much better. I've gone to one lesbian/ gay bar and was completly determined to meet a girl that night.  I spent an hour getting ready, looked completly stunning, but ended up in the bathroom for most of the night consoling a girl I accidently made cry. ( I complimented her eyes, but it turned out she got her eyes from her grandmother who had passed three days ago) I don't regret it, I'm friends with the girl now but I'm still single and feel like a  third ( make that 9th) whell when I'm with all of my friends.

I'm pretty outgoing and don't mind making the first move, but I'll admit I do get nervous and shy when it comes to talking to a girl I'm attracted to. I think that also holds me back at times; because I don't know if she is going to turn out to be heterosexual and get annoyed that I hit on her, or burst into tears because I tried complimenting her but in doing so brought up some depressing memory.

I just want a girl that isn't looking to figure out what sex is like with another women.

I can flirt, I like to make her laugh, get her smiling, maybe blushing a little. But I hate that after all my flirting I hear " I'm bisexual, but my boyfriend wouldn't mind" or " you're really sweet, but I'm straight". I understand it happenes, but it gets frustrating after a while. How do I tell if a girl is really interested? Are there any tell-tale signs I should be aware of?

ANSWER: Brittney,

Let me ask you something before I answer your question. Do you have a particular 'type' of woman that you pursue?

Kind regards,
Blue

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Blue,

I can't say that I really have a particular prefrerance, but thinking back to my past relationships I've always gone for women that are somewhere between femme and butch.  I don't like my partners complete girly girls, but I also don't want her completly masculine. I like a balance if that makes any sense .  I've been called a " blue jean femme".  I'm not sure if you have ever heard the term. I hadn't until I graduated high school, but once having it explained to me I realized it describeds me perfectly.

Answer
Dear Brittney,

Thank you for writing!

I can completely understand your frustration. It really has gotten more difficult to identify lesbians just by looking.

Back in the day it was pretty easy. Watch for that mullett haircut (or the bowl cut), rainbows, short nails, preppy khakis and chinos, plaid shirts or hideously colored western shirts with low rise jeans. Or watch the jukebox for the girls that went up and played nothing but Melissa Etheridge or Indigo Girls. Gee. Those were the days. Just kidding. But it was much easier.

Now when I go out it does not seem that there is much in the way of all lesbian clubs or bars. Everyone just mixes.

I have 2 suggestions for you that might help.

I do not have a good answer about how to spot lesbians easier. All I can suggest is that YOU make it easier for them to spot YOU. Wear jewelry, shirts or key chains that have symbols, slogans or pictures that are very obvious or something subtle that another lesbian would be able to identify. Then just let them come to you.

The other thing I can suggest is pretty obvious. Join lesbian groups that meet for various events and functions. There are lots of groups on Facebook that you can join that actually meet up. There lesbian pool leagues, lesbian dart groups, softball, movie night and a lot more. And it affords a person the opportunity to correspond at first. There are lesbian retreats. Those are fun. Lily Tomlin is on tour right now. She draws hordes of lesbians.

I wish I had easier answers for you, but you are not the only one that writes to me about this problem. It has just gotten confusing out there. In many ways.

I hope that you meet someone wonderful soon!

Best wishes,
Blue

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Blue Sleighty

Expertise

BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 5 YEARS! I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.

Experience

I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. I have had a wealth of experiences and while marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from studying publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others. I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women as well as my own. I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.

Publications
MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, CafeBoudoir.com, many others. Author of 25 short stories, and 3 novellas which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other on line book sellers. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Education/Credentials
Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I am a lesbian mother of a now adult, well-adjusted, degreed, happily married for 5 years, heterosexual daughter. I'm 40.

Awards and Honors
Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship. I have business associations with some of the best artists and writers of our time.

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