Lesbian Erotica/Relationship Issues


QUESTION: Dear Blue,

Hello. I am 23 years old. My partner ( who is 24) and I have been together for six years. We both love each other very much. Like any couple, we have had our ups and down, senseless arguments, and tried one another's patience.

Unfortunately we seem to have been on a downward incline for the last three months, an incline that we are falling down at a very rapid rate. I don't know how we got here, but we both feel it, but it just seems the more we try something else happens to add fuel to the fire.

Our relationship has become very boring and routine. We barley have time for each. Between both of our careers, raising a young teenage girl (her younger sister. Their parents passed in a car accident last year) , and both of our days being hectic and stressful our relationship has been pushed to the bottom of a very long list. We don't communicate like we once did, which has led to arguments and both of us becoming annoyed with the other.

Our sex life, simply doesn't exists any longer. It became repetitive, and then just ended all together. She's not into toys or role play, neither am I. So aside from what we were doing we ran out of ideas. We tried to fix it, further our knowledge. However, we just found  lesbian porn to be very far fetch, and well our hope eventually ran out.

We both want our relationship to work. We definitely don't want to end it. However, we both know we can't continue what we have been doing.  We are in a bit of a slump I guess you could say. We act more like room mates than lovers. I miss us, I miss the unyielding love we once shared. I'm not saying our love for one another has died, but it seems to have been put on the back burner of our lives, waiting to be stirred again. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to loose her. The chemistry is there. We just seem to be mixing the wrong chemicals.

ANSWER: Dear Kendra,

While you provided me with some information, you didn't ask me a single question.

I would love to help you if I can, but I really need to know what you want help with.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Blue,

My apologies, I didn't realize I had just rambled. Venting I guess, I don't know.

Anyway, my question is how do I "rekindle the fire"? I mean, I love her and I'm willing to work toward both of our happiness. We had something special, a very strong bound. It's still there, but the stress of life, work, etc is breaking us apart. How do We fix what's been broken and start on a path to a healthy relationship? How do we keep from falling into a constant routine, which leads us into simply going through the motions of a relationship.

Honestly Blue, I know that my thoughts seem jumbled and incoherent. Trying to get my my thoughts into words is proving to be quite difficult for me.

ANSWER: Dear Kendra,

No need to apologize! Venting is good!

I need to know a few things.

Do the the of you ever go out alone? Do you still engage in the activities that you enjoyed in your first years of dating? Is your girlfriend's younger sister capable of being left alone or is she with you constantly?

Get back with me and I will answer your question.

Kind regards,

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Blue,

We haven't gone out  just in the of us in almost a year. Her  sister is constantly with us. We haven't gone anywhere without her since she came to us. I'm not complaining at all. She's an outstanding young women. I look at her as my own sister.  However, the time that we once spent together just the two of us, has become the three of us. When we do go out we engage in activities that all three of us will enjoy. She is of age to be left alone for a few hours. We just never have. She doesn't enjoy being alone, and we understand why, which is why she is always with us.

Dear Kendra,

Even though the teenager is your girlfriend's sister, you have both assumed the roll of parent. Once you are parents everything changes and your relationship will need to be redesigned. Things have changed and no matter how old the sister gets she will always need you. So you must rethink things.

The pressure of parental responsibility and the constant need for attention that a child brings, no matter the age or circumstances is very demanding. Even under the best of circumstances you will be required to be considerate of her feeling, but particularly now. Your girlfriend and her sister have lost their parents tragically and it will take time to get through it. It is quite normal for you both to be experiencing a period of difficulty.

Your girlfriend's sister has now pretty much assumed the role of an only child. So it is very important to make sure that she has the opportunity and the encouragement to make friends, engage in activities other than just spending time with you and your girlfriend and continue on the path of good social skills. There are clubs, youth organizations and many other activities she be involved in.

As she makes friends there will be sleep-overs, and other activities that she engages in away from you will give you and your girlfriend much needed time to spend alone together. From this point forward you will need to make an effort to create opportunities and circumstances which will give you some alone time.

At first it will probably feel a little awkward and maybe even anxious and a little guilty. But as everyone slowly gets used to forward progression and becomes comfortable with being away from each other at times, you will all actually start to look forward to it.

When you get the first opportunity, make sure that your girlfriend does not feel pressured into having sex. Kind of let her take the lead. Let her decide what you two should do that night.

Couples have to have alone time or the intimacy can't survive. You really must find ways to address this important issue for all of your sakes.

Write as often as you would like. And if I missed something- please let me know.


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Blue Sleighty


BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 5 YEARS! I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.


I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. I have had a wealth of experiences and while marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from studying publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others. I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women as well as my own. I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.

MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, CafeBoudoir.com, many others. Author of 25 short stories, and 3 novellas which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other on line book sellers. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I am a lesbian mother of a now adult, well-adjusted, degreed, happily married for 5 years, heterosexual daughter. I'm 40.

Awards and Honors
Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship. I have business associations with some of the best artists and writers of our time.

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