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QUESTION: just found out my that my girlfriend is leaving me to go to flordia for good im so hurt so many emotions going through my mind.I deeply care about her and love her she the first person that i knew for sure that i wanted to be with and now she leaving for good.this sucks so bad i really wanna be with her i dont see myself being with nobody else.what should i do and how should i go through this.

ANSWER: Sache,

I am sorry that you are so sad. I know it hurts.

The best way to get through a break up is to focus on a personal goal and keep your mind on achieving your goal.

It can be taking a class. Giving your home a make-over, deciding to get in shape, writing a book, remodeling your car or any number of things. Find something that needs to be done for yourself, or maybe your mother, or something that you want to do - focus on it - and throw yourself into it.

When you find yourself getting the urge to think about her too much- transfer that energy to your goal. DO NOT look her up on FaceBook or any of the social networks. DO NOT call her, or seek her out in ANY way. Draw the line. Call it OVER. Get on with your life. Down the road when you are healed- you can look back at the your relationship with this person in a different and more healthy way.

You must resist drama. You must not get in touch. You must not let her get in touch with you. DO NOT answer her calls or read her texts much less respond to them.

You will get through this and be a stronger more experienced person who is more ready for a relationship.

Be with friends, join social groups that you can go hang out with, watch movies, write in a journal. But - whatever you do - do not look back.

Talk to someone when you need to talk about this. Or write to me. I will be here for you, and since I know you need to talk - I will check often to see if you need to talk.

Stay strong, kid. You can through this.

(((HUGS))) and love,

Blue

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My heart just feels so sad i never had these feelings before for a person that i was dating its really difficult because i know i only want to be with her.All i ask is why me its stressful i must say this is new to me and my feelings are in very deep i know they are i care alot for her.some people say i should move on but its not easy to and i think its because i dont want to.

Answer
Sache,

It always hurts to break up. Apparently this is the first time you have felt so strongly for anyone, and, of course, it is going to hurt at first to be without your girlfriend.

I am one of the people telling you that you should move on, Sache. I am a real live person and I am here because I have a lot of experience with relationships and sex. Especially lesbian relationships and sex.

Your feelings are not unique. Every single person on this planet who is old enough to have a relationship and broken up feels this pain and sadness that you are going through.

Most people want to know why. Even if your girlfriend were to be completely honest with you and sit you down and tell you exactly 'why' - you would not likely accept the answer and you would still ask 'why'. Liking the answer is not going to happen when your heart doesn't want to let go.

You are very young. If you will recall why you wrote to me in the first place, it might help to accept this a little better.

You have no idea what the future will bring. Maybe some day you and your girlfriend will have reached a level of experience and maturity to have a successful relationship.

Presently- it is very important for you to get through this and to learn and grow from this experience.

When you get through this- you will have so much more to offer someone. You will grow some and have much more to offer your next girlfriend. You will be smarter, stronger, more experienced, more mature, and you will know more about what you want and what you are willing to give.

I want you to be assured that when you get through this- you will feel so much better about yourself you will not even believe it. It is so worth it.

Right now you probably find all of this hard to believe, but it is true.

If you ever do see this woman again- would you prefer for her to think to herself, "God, I am SO glad I left this girl!", or would you prefer for her to think, "I should never have left her. I really missed out on something special."?

The choice is yours. And it all depends on how you CHOOSE to conduct yourself and how you choose to get through this.

I hope you take the steps to get better soon.

Love,
Blue

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Blue Sleighty

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BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 5 YEARS! I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.

Experience

I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. I have had a wealth of experiences and while marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from studying publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others. I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women as well as my own. I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.

Publications
MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, CafeBoudoir.com, many others. Author of 25 short stories, and 3 novellas which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other on line book sellers. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Education/Credentials
Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I am a lesbian mother of a now adult, well-adjusted, degreed, happily married for 5 years, heterosexual daughter. I'm 40.

Awards and Honors
Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship. I have business associations with some of the best artists and writers of our time.

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