Lesbian Erotica/Alone

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Question
Dear Blue,

Hello. I'm 17 years old. I come to you seeking advice. I honestly have no one else to go to who I know wouldn't judge or condemn me. I think I'm a lesbian, if not perhaps bisexual. I'm not sure. I simply know that my attraction and feelings for other women are quite real. There is one person, other than myself that knows of my feelings, and that would be the girl I dated about nine months ago. Unfortunately I broke her heart. She thought me to be ashamed of her because of how secretive I was with our relationship. I refused to tell anyone. If we were holding hands and someone walked by I would let go of her's abruptly. Not because I was ashamed of her. I loved her. But I was, and still am terrified of what my family would do. My immediate family is extremely  religious. They truly believe homosexuality is a sin. My mom and I have gotten into many nasty arguments on the topic, her trying to change my view, the entire time with her not knowing of my feelings for other women.

If any of my family ever found out I would be condemned. Literally my entire family (mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins, grandparents on both sides, aunts, uncles) are either homophobic or simply close minded and see homosexuality as a sin. So I'm stuck, I'm alone and I don't know what to do. I have many lesbian friends, but I even refuse to come out to them because I'm just scared of loosing everything I hold dear. I turn 18 in December, I'll graduate from high school next June.  I've thought maybe then I can finally be true to who I am. But it's a terrifying feeling to know that one small thing about me will change my families view of me. I don't know what to do.

Answer
Bree,

In your situation you are doing the right thing in keeping your sexual exploration private.

You are still in school and you really need to be assured that you have a place to live until you graduate.

It is hard to know where you will end up sexually. Just keep it quiet with family and friends until you can afford to handle the consequences of your sexuality should it turn out to be offensive to them, because you have to have your family's help right now if possible.

Your friends should not be trusted with this information because they can, and often will turn on you and cause other people to turn against you, or not realize the seriousness of your situation and tell others who will spread the word. You do not need this right now, especially since you are still unsure of how you really identify. You will find someone that you can really trust. Just give it time.

When December rolls around- take it slowly. Think about things between now and then. There is no reason to make a big announcement. Just start making plans, make contact with other people who are going through what you are on the internet if you can and carefully consider if it is the right time before you tell anyone.

Your family really does not need to know about any of this. Sometimes we just have to limit conversation to things we agree on with some people.

I'm really sorry about the girl you were dating not understanding that you are not ready to come out to your family. Maybe there will be a chance for you two down the road.

It is sad that sexual orientation is such a big issue. But- maybe someday we can be free to be true to ourselves without consequence.

Until then you can write me any time. I'll be here!

(((HUGS)))
Blue

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Blue Sleighty

Expertise

BLUE SLEIGHTY HAS BEEN AN EXPERT FOR OVER 5 YEARS! I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help you.

Experience

I have been a lesbian all of my life, and realized that there was something different going on with me by the time I was 6 years old. I have faced the same issues and have made many of the same mistakes that other lesbians have. Part of my journey as a woman and a lesbian has included educating myself, and exploring my sexuality and my body. I have had a wealth of experiences and while marching down my path seeking a better understanding of myself and others, I have gathered information along the way from studying publications of the best sex experts of our time, like Susie Bright, Annie Sprinkle (who is a lesbian, now!), Xaviera Hollander (who is doing some great work on YouTube these days!), and many others. I have been fortunate to benefit from the wisdom, experience and research of these brilliant and brave women as well as my own. I have had an active and adventurous sex life and I am a healthy and happy woman. I am published and a widely known writer of lesbian erotica.

Publications
MySecretObsession.com, AuthorsDen.com, AuthorZone.com, CafeBoudoir.com, many others. Author of 25 short stories, and 3 novellas which can be found at Amazon.com, and Lulu.com , as well as many other on line book sellers. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter.

Education/Credentials
Along with the privledge of having an oddly interesting and far from boring life which has afforded me a rather unique perspective, I have an AA from the Texas Academy of Art. I am a midwife and worked with a team of midwives at a birthing center where I performed well woman exams, managed prenatal care, and delivered babies as well as managing home births for 3 years, which gives me plenty of hands on experience with the female body. I have the equivalent of a MA in life experiences and personal independent study as measured by UH life credit testing, and I constantly read college psychology textbooks, Psychology/Psychiatry News in the AMAJ, Psychology Today, and other educational journals. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica. I am a lesbian mother of a now adult, well-adjusted, degreed, happily married for 5 years, heterosexual daughter. I'm 40.

Awards and Honors
Every time someone thanks me for helping them is an award and an honor for me. Also, I was just thanked by the author, 'the mysterious Jade', in the acknowledgements of her new, page turning lesbian erotic thriller, "Secretly Bound", for being her mentor and for inspiration, advice and friendship. I have business associations with some of the best artists and writers of our time.

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