Hi, I'm 21. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. July 15 will make one year. I'm super excited. I completely and honestly love her with everything in me.
We have never been sexually intimate, aside from kissing and mild caressing we have done nothing when it comes to sexual interactions. She, is far more experienced than I. Wherein she has been intimate with other women before, I'm a complete novice and have never been intimate. We haven't done anything because I wasn't ready, and she is happy to wait until I am.
So, I'm been contemplating for over a month now, and I know I am ready. I'm hoping I can suprise her on our anniversary. Make it extra special. Give her myself completely. My problem, I'm extremely nervous. I've watched a dozen lesbian porn videos, read erotica, read you "guide to oral sex" and everything else there was to read on your website, but I still am very nervous and feel as though I will make a complete fool of myself and not please her at all.
It's not the image I'm presenting that I worry about. I'm very comfortable in my body and maintain a nice bodily image, I'm not worried about smell because I practice great hygiene and plan to shower before I see her. I'm just nervous to the point of shaking.
My plan is this..... Go to her apartment before she gets home from work. Light candles, prepare her favorite meal, litter her floor with rose pedals, soft music playing in the background, just set a romantic atmosphere so when she gets home she walks in and can instantly relax. I believe that part of the night will go swimmingly.
From there. I don't know. I was thinking just a slow dance to the music that is already playing or pop in a movie and just relax and snuggle. Let things happen "naturally". I'm just nervous. I don't want things to feel awkward or forced. I don't want her to be disappointed. I'm hoping that you can help me. Shine light on the situation. Any suggestions? Advice. Anything is appreciated greatly. I honestly don't want to mess this up. I'm totally clueless on how to get things going and then please her if/ when things do heat up.
ANSWER: Dear Autumn,
Again, congratulations on your anniversary and your progression towards intimacy with your girlfriend.
My girlfriend and I are jointly answering your email as we are currently snuggled up together in bed and you didn't make this private, so I have to assume that is OK with you that I share this with her.
We think that you have a very sweet plan! Wonderful! Here are some more things that you might want to include with your plans:
Let us remember that your girlfriend will have been at work all day and there is no way to gauge how her day went, so let us set the tone . . .
Is it possible for you to buy a few extra roses and maybe sneak over and place one on her car so that is the first thing that she sees when she gets off work? This will alert her that she has something to anticipate. And then, place another rose at the door of her apartment (slip it through the knocker if she has one, or tie it with a pretty ribbon to the knob- even laying it on the doorstep is good).
Remember- girlfriend has been at work all day, so maybe a nice, warm bath would make her feel better. Or a shower. Do not rush her though. Be ready to listen to what she has to say about her day. Get her a fragrant bath gel, and place lit candles in the bathroom. It's a safe bet to use vanilla. It's warm and inviting and most people like it. Give her privacy if she seems to want it.
Have something light prepared to snack on. Cheese and fruit, or raw veggies with a nice dip or both. If you both like wine or beer, have some on hand.
Definitely just let things happen. Expectations cause pressure and can lead to disappointment. So- do your best up to a point, but do not expect that everything will turn out in a predictable way, which is part of the fun! Be open to the end result whatever it may be.
The most important thing is to be relaxed and open to many possibilities. Be positive and agreeable and loving.
Other things to have on hand:
Also, Autumn- those porn movies you watched were not geared towards women. Don't use the movies as a guide towards good sex because women do not have good sex that way. What you see portrayed there is something men want to see. Do you have time to get the movie "Desert Hearts" and watch it before your anniversary? That would be a better example.
Don't forget the bed. You could have an ocean of rose petals either hidden under the cover, or have it turned down and already sprinkled. Just a thought.
Please write back if you have more questions or thoughts.
Wishing you the best anniversary ever!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you Blue! And I'm completely fine with both you and your girlfriend responding. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I love your suggestions. Roses on her car, her bed and at her door step, the bath... YES! I love those ideas!
I'm open to however the night goes. I just want it to be as fun as exciting as possible. I don't have a set schedule, I'm kinda just going with the flow and yeah, seeing to it that she has a fantastic night.
I see what you are saying about the videos I watched... They were pretty far fetched and seemed a bit...I don't know. They didn't sit well with me. I was just honestly hoping to gain some sort of insight or idea. I'll definitely have to check out the film you suggested.
A bit of a side thought, I've read a few of the questions others have asked you and notice you are very... Anti-latex. Why is that? I know there are people allergic to it, but is it harmful to everyone? I'm simply curious. Anything I should be aware of?
Latex and phthalates are lethal. The effect is cumulative, meaning that as you are exposed to them the toxins are stored in your body until you ultimately have a bad and sometimes fatal reaction.
The symptoms of latex/phthalate exposure include bladder infection, malaise, fever, kidney infection, jaundice, liver failure, shock and death.
If you purchased a toy and it is a latex toy- go to the drug store and buy non-latex condoms to use with it.
I am telling you this because I nearly died from a latex reaction, and I have been enlightened.