AboutBlue Sleighty Expertise I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help.
Experience I have been a lesbian all of my life. I have had an active and adventurous sex life. I am published and widely known writer of lesbian erotica.
Education/Credentials I have an AA from Texas Academy of Art. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica.
Expert: Blue Sleighty Date: 11/24/2007 Subject: Over/Under Doing
Question I'm in my late teens, and in techniquality, a virgin.
My best friend recently told me she was bisexual, and I had known I was since I was about 14. It was awkward, having sex with her because I was a virgin, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I let her basically "rape" me, but I enjoyed it, moaning, making out with her. But I wasn't involved, she took charge, and I wasn't able to give her any real pleasure, in my opinion. She has a boyfriend, who she is in love with, and who is alright with our relationship. I know I go over board, with gifts and texts, and I want to know how I can even out my gifts in and out of the bed. I feel like i do too much out of the bed too make up for what I don't really know how to do. I know I'm in love with her, and thats why it worries me, so any advice?
Answer Crystelle,
First- a reality check. Then the rest.
This would be a much easier question to answer if I had some more details (like your age, her age, etc.) because I do not want to encourage underage people to engage in sexual activity and I do not want to encourage ANYONE to become involved in a relationship that, if pursued, will very likely break their hearts.
It is not often that having an intimate relationship with a heterosexual woman who is already in love with someone else will become what you would hope for it to become. And in my opinion- you are heading for a painful experience.
That said, we will address the issue of giving pleasure in a very benign way that will keep me out of trouble for advising underage people:
As a young woman, I ran across an article on self discovery and sensuality in "Cosmopolitan" that has actually been the best advice I have ever found on the subject.
In this article it was suggested that women could learn a lot by simply spending a few nights alone with themselves. The point being that if we pay attention to what feels good to us- we will understand what will feel good to another. This exercise is to be done when you are not in a hurry and not likely to have to get up afterwards.
Some things suggested were taking a nice warm bath to get relaxed, using bath oil, or some aromatherapy product or something that smells wonderful to scent the water. Play some soothing, mellow music that you personally love. Make sure you will get no interruptions. Burn some scented candles and keep the room dim.
In the bath, pay attention to the way your hands feel on your body. Notice the different sensations that you get when you touch different places in different ways. When you wash yourself during this exercise, don't use a cloth. Feel the soap sliding against your skin and notice how your hands feels on your skin as they slide.
After your bath, lay on your bed with the lights off. Take lotion to bed with you and smooth it on all over your body using long slow strokes. Actually let yourself feel the warmth of your hands. Be sure to make note of what feels the best to you, and make sure you don't skip any body parts during this exercise. Pay attention to how much pressure you exert when you notice something that feels good to you. Try touching yourself using just your fingertips and notice the difference between what feelings you get from touching your body in different ways and in different places.
The article said to think about something exciting. To imagine making another person feel the way you make yourself feel when doing the same things to them as you have done to yourself.
I really got a lot out of doing the exercise suggested in that article. I have repeated that exercise many times. I was able to apply what I learned from it to the way I make love, and it has been VERY helpful.
Believe it or not- Cosmopolitan has always had great articles about sexuality and sensuality. The publication is available to people of all ages.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck. Be happy and don't get intimately involved with people who have not committed to a sexual orientation if you have hopes of a lasting or exclusive relationship.
