AboutBlue Sleighty Expertise I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help.
Experience I have been a lesbian all of my life. I have had an active and adventurous sex life. I am published and widely known writer of lesbian erotica.
Education/Credentials I have an AA from Texas Academy of Art. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica.
Expert: Blue Sleighty Date: 11/1/2007 Subject: how do you know?
Question Hi there.
I recently am coming to terms with my sexuality. My past is married to a man, then falling in love with a woman at work. I left the marriage to be with her, and that relationship fell apart as well.
I have no real good sense of when a woman is a lesbian. I went to a couple of bars, conversations started or what have you, then nothing. I get real nervous around women, so I am not sure if my question is how do i get rid of my nervousness? Or how the helk do I tell I am dealing with a lesbian vs. a straight woman?
Sorry, I think my question isn't totally clear. I just so want to try to figure this out as I would really like to meet other woman. Maybe someday, have a love interest.
If you can provide any advice I would appreciate.
Thanks
Answer Hello, Aussie. I am sorry about your relationship not working out.
In answer to your question:
It has become more difficult to trust "gaydar". I used to be darned good at being able to tell who was a lesbian and who was not by just looking. However, times have changed. Not all women are as concerned with femininity as they once were. Also, women tend to experiment sexually more than they used to. The signals have become somewhat scrambled as a result.
If you are in a lesbian bar you can pretty safely assume that most of the women in the bar are lesbians.
Meeting prospective dates in bars can be difficult, however. Most women find it too scary to be assertive enough to actually take things to the next level (a date, or whatever) after a night of conversation. Fear of rejection is usually at the root of the problem. I have found that if you go to the same bar every day for a month or so, and let everyone get to know you- you will have better luck meeting someone. It builds confidence and it might also help you to overcome your nervousness.
For me, personally, joining MYSPACE has been the absolute best way to meet other lesbians that I have ever experienced. I have met MANY, MANY available women who have become my friends. I also met my girlfriend through MYSPACE. She now lives with me. We met last December and dated for five months. She moved in with me in May.
I do not mean to sound like a MYSPACE pusher, but it makes things so much EASIER. MYSPACE makes it possible to "shop" available lesbians in your area. By selecting the right search criteria, you know if the women are lesbians from the beginning. You can get to know them and see what they are about and who they associate with. It is not as confrontational as meeting someone in a bar. (actually there are many lesbians that won't go to bars) You can correspond with women who interest you and get more acquainted before you decide to actually meet them. And, it's just a heck of a lot of fun!
I hope this answer helps. Please write me any time that you feel the need.
