AboutBlue Sleighty Expertise I will do my best to answer any legitimate question. If I can NOT answer it- I will be happy to provide references to someone that I believe can help.
Experience I have been a lesbian all of my life. I have had an active and adventurous sex life. I am published and widely known writer of lesbian erotica.
Education/Credentials I have an AA from Texas Academy of Art. I write professionally and am respected and loved in the genre of lesbian erotica.
Question QUESTION: (sigh) first of all, I'm hard of hearing student in college and I have this young notetaker who's in her early 30's, she's in most of my classes and she takes notes for me. thats her job taking notes for hard of hearing/deaf students like me
When i first met her and i got goosebumps so I was looking forward to get to know her more.
Evereyday my feelings keeps getting stronger and i like her too much
She's know i'm into girls and she said i'm down with gay girls but she's into men
It hurts me too much knowing that I can't be with her or go out with her
I cried twice in different days.
I still dont know what to do anymore. I never dated anyone and i always end up getting hurt when i fall for a woman like her.
We're getting along and we're good friends. But it hurts me and I want her to myself so bad.
I dunno if she feels the same way about me.
I feel like she might not be into me and because i'm too young or i'm hard of hearing? we're 12 yrs apart.
Everytime when i'm with her I almost broke down but i had to control myself without showing it.
I didn't want her to find out that i have feelings for her or she might change jobs with different student or quit her job? i dont know
I really like her too much. I've known her for 6 weeks now.
its hard to move on. I love having her in my life.
it's complicated
she's more of a nerd and I tried my best to impress her with my studies but i know its stupid
but i havn't done that well in most of my classes and she knows it coz she was there. i think she would rather be with someone who's smarter and attractive.
i dont know what to do anymore!
ANSWER: Manisha,
You are not going to like this answer.
I see you are hashing out the negatives. Unfortunately you seem to be focusing on what you may feel that you LACK. I see no reason why a more suitable match would not find you very attractive.
What ultimately makes your notetaker an unsuitable match is the very fact that she is your notetaker, and that she is hetero, and substantially older than you are. You are in an academic/professional situation. To act on this attraction would annihilate her professionally.
I know it hurts. I have been through a similar situation myself.
I hope that you can let go of your desire to see this relationship go somewhere that it is not likely to go. She is helping you do well. You feel feelings for her that many young lesbians feel any time another person gives any attention at all. Many young lesbians develop a crush on anyone with which we develop a somewhat intimate relationship. I know I did. Teachers, counselors, doctors- I just knew I was in love, and that they would love me, too, if they only understood.
However. It never happened.
I mean to discourage you. Enjoy her company and the help that she is giving you. You will find someone who is a more suitable match.
I'm sorry I could not tell you what you probably wanted- but I think you knew the answer, anyway.
Very truly yours,
Blue Sleighty
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: what should I do? should i tell her i have feelings for her or keep in to myself? i mean i know she's older than me but i don't care about age difference
I like her that all that matters
I'm trying so hard to move on, its so difficult
sometimes i just cry in the middle of the night
i feel like it hurts too much and it makes me want to hurt myself
Answer Manisha,
You put me in a bad position when you say that you want to hurt yourself. If you DID hurt yourself- I would get blamed for giving you bad advice. So- I can't advise you, now.
You should seek counseling.
I'm sorry I can't comment further. I wish you happiness.
