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About Michelle
(Top Expert on this page)

Expertise
I can answer/explore questions regarding: coming out; conflicts of faith for both the gay/lesbian person accepting their own sexuality as well as friends/family accepting the sexuality of someone they care about; coming out to your children; talking to your teens about being gay; coming out of a long term opposite sex marriage; history of marriage; legal recognition of same gender marriages; how ultra-conservative religious training/upbringing affects gays and lesbians; being "out" in a small, conservative community; current dynamics of religion/dynamics.

Experience
I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and still am a Christian. From my earliest memories, I always had "crushes" on girls/women, but because of my background and training, believed homosexuality was a "sin" and that I was an abomination. I believed it was a "choice" and I was determined to choose heterosexuality. I married a man (claimed to be a Christian, ended up being abusive), had three kids, and was married for 20 years. I attended a Christian college (had devastating crushes there) and at the age of 26 started writing and speaking for Christian groups across the United States and Canada. After fifteen years of teaching others to "remove the masks" I finally peeled away my last mask. I lost my church, my oldest friend, my career, and quite a few people I trusted and loved--but I gained my soul. You can't fool God. I used my experience and tweny-five years of biblical studies to understand how scriptures have been misused against the gay/lesbian/bi/trans community. I am now married to a woman (seven years) and active in the gay/lesbian community. I have made myself an expert on same gender marriage issues and legal cases. I am very involved in local, state, and national politics.

Organizations
HRC PFLAG Equal Rights Washington Legal Marriage Alliance

Publications
Two books and hundreds of articles for Christian publishers Publisher's Weekly Western Horseman

Education/Credentials
2.5 years of college, including a variety of theology classes. 11 years of seminars & workshops 20 years as a writer (fifteen of which were for Christian publishers)

   

You are here:  Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Lesbian Life

SubjectDate AskedExpert

Flirting with a married woman7/22/2008Michelle
  Q: So it's safe for me to flirt because lam not married. Plus l didn't start the flirting. Then one ...
  A: My gut feeling on this one (not clinical) is that she realized she crossed a line, could very easily ...
Is Age Really A Factor?7/21/2008Michelle
  Q: I've been out for about 4 years now but I dont have a ton of dating experience. For the past 3 ...
  A: So much depends on life experience, not just chronological age. In general the younger the two of ...
hey7/21/2008Michelle
  Q: Where are you right now??? I just need you hear in my mind. Sorry I don' know if I mess up Mic ...
  A: Kim, I'm right here...haven't moved, haven't left, and won't. Yes you can feel, yes, you can need. ...
In love with a straight woman7/20/2008Michelle
  Q: Tammy and I have been friends for 3 years. Over a year ago, she told me that she had feelings for me ...
  A: I'm so sorry you are going through this...both of you. No, I don't get the feeling that Tammy is ...
Lesbian Relationships/Dating7/19/2008Michelle
  Q: I love this website I have asked questions here before. My new question is this, well I will start ...
  A: Sherrie, I will start with this... You are so, so, so, so normal! Yes, everything you are going ...
Flirting with a married woman7/18/2008Michelle
  Q: So it's safe for me to flirt because lam not married. Plus l didn't start the flirting. Then one ...
  A: I would say that you risk a lot by engaging in even flirtations with this woman. You say you have ...
Lesbian crush on married, straight supervisor7/17/2008Michelle
  Q: Michelle: I am sure you've heard it all before, just as I have as well. However, for the 1st time ...
  A: I think your gut instincts are pretty right on...and she probably is the same way you are...she ...
Questioning my sexuality...and hers7/15/2008Michelle
  Q: So I just had my first year in college, freedom to make mistakes and find myself and all that. With ...
  A: You are both in a tough spot because you are so afraid of the possibility that either of you might ...
Family or the love of my life?7/14/2008Michelle
  Q: mm..Where to begin? I've recently turned 19 and I found the woman of my dreams on-line. That's not ...
  A: I don't think it necessarily has to be either your family or your girlfriend...not yet. I would ...
gay straight, and coming out to parents7/14/2008Michelle
  Q: I have always thought of my self as Bi, The first time I had sex with a woman I had this feeling ...
  A: That's a pretty tough one to answer, K. It can be so many things. It can be that you are not ...
overnight business trip planned7/10/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I recently sent in a question to Michelle and she was very helpful, however, she is on vacation. I ...
  A: I don't have any background on your situation, my dear, so it's hard to offer informed advice. About ...
We are Expecting!7/8/2008Michelle
  Q: Okay, me and my girlfriend are expecting...I am pregnant and we want to make sure that if any thing ...
  A: ! Congratulations to you both!! First, the best resource in the whole country that you can get ...
We are Expecting7/8/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: Okay, Me and my Girlfriend are expecting. I am pregnant and we want to make sure that after or even ...
  A: The law in such cases varies from state to state and there is no simple answer to your question, ...
sick of it all7/8/2008Michelle
  Q: I am soooo ired of defending "the lifestyle". I am in the closet. Everyone i know hates ...
  A: It's a tough one. People get pretty set in their ways. Here is the thing I always try to remember, ...
Married and Curious7/6/2008Michelle
  Q: married for 14 years.. I have a lesbian best friend, for the past few months we have gotten closer. ...
  A: and I am hoping I can help...though I will say it may not quite be the answer you are looking for. ...
gay straight, and coming out to parents7/5/2008Michelle
  Q: I have always thought of my self as Bi, The first time I had sex with a woman I had this feeling ...
  A: ..thanks for writing to me. I like to remind people at this point that I am expressing my personal ...
My Contemplation and Reflection7/4/2008Michelle
  Q: I have become a reticent and secrete virtual observer of your conversations and advice to other ...
  A: Sogdiana, for your beautifully written letter and observations, and reflections. I'm not surprised ...
straight girl crush on un happy married woman7/3/2008Michelle
  Q: I've had lots of married straight girl crushes before. some turned into relationships some didn't! ...
  A: .. It does sound like there is definitely something there. And it sounds like she has people who ...
Confused about my Sexuality.7/2/2008Michelle
  Q: I have always thought of myself as Bi-sexual. I first knew I wasn’t completely straight when I ...
  A: Here's the thing Kim. You don't have to decide if you are straight, gay, or bi right now. In fact, ...
still in love with my friend6/29/2008Michelle
  Q: It’s been a few months since my last question. You were very helpful by confirming some of my ...
  A: It is good to hear from you again! It sounds like some of what I said is starting to make more ...
Workplace crush while in the closet6/28/2008Michelle
  Q: I am a 27 year old woman living in the midwest. I have known that I was a lesbian since I was 17, ...
  A: It's a tough one, especially if you are interested in someone at work. Without her even meaning to ...
A second opinion6/25/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I had asked this question in the "gay/lesbian/bi teens" section of allexperts, but thought getting a ...
  A: You're a smart girl for 15, Christine. Good on you for being so self-aware. I know it seems like ...
hi6/24/2008Michelle
  Q: hi i am shayanna i am 12 i am scared if i am a lesbian i like girls what should i do i i am crying ...
  A: and no, please don't ever worry that you have wasted my time by asking questions or for help ...
A second opinion6/24/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I had asked this question in the "gay/lesbian/bi teens" section of allexperts, but thought getting a ...
  A: Do you really need to put yourself in a box, Christine? Especially at 15 when the whole world is ...
broken6/23/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: Here is my crazy situation/question. About a year ago I ended my marriage after telling my husband ...
  A: No, Julie, you do not have a chance of getting her back. She has told you clearly where she's coming ...
What about age difference...6/23/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: Well, i've always known I was lesbian since my early teens and I have embraced it since, I had never ...
  A: I know that the six year difference seems like a lot to you right now, Vanessa, but it is not the ...
My ex girlfriend6/22/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: My situation is unique I can say. I met my ex 5 yrs ago and we dated on and off for while. We ...
  A: She wants you to stay in her life because she feels safe with you. The moment she feels safe with ...
Struggling with sexuality6/22/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: ....I know you most probably wont be able to comment on this, however I would just like to talk with ...
  A: If you're exploring who you are then what that process reveals to you must be taken seriously. What ...
I can't tell if she really likes me.6/22/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: So here is my situation I've gotten myself into once again. I'm a lesbian and I'm completely out. ...
  A: Your situation is not that uncommon, C. I've seen many straight women flirt, tease and generally ...
Confused, am I bi am I gay?6/22/2008Michelle
  Q: I have known that I am not straight for sure since I was 14 years old, I am now 22. Last night for ...
  A: I can relate to a lot of your experiences, and feelings...and I think a lot of people can. Our ...
Lesbianity and islam6/19/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I had a religious question which I needed to know the answer of, I know that you'd probably think ...
  A: I can't answer religious questions, Anita, regardless what faith it is. If you're looking for some ...
Loving a married woman6/19/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I have been in a relationship with a woman that is married. We fell in love prior to the marriage ...
  A: My suggestion is to let go, my dear. Two years of waiting is way too long. If it hasn't happened by ...
my relationship6/19/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I'm in a lesbian relationship with a women who was strait until she met me. Now I'm having the best ...
  A: There's a good reason for your fears, Michelle. If one burns their fingers on a hot stove repeatedly ...
Straight woman lesbian GF leaves her for another Lesbian6/17/2008Michelle
  Q: I am straight woman been with a Lesbian for 5 years. Due to communication problems and ...
  A: I hate to say it, but I think she has given you an answer. If you made it clear that you aren't ...
Please can I get the email6/17/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: Okay, I understand you have different policies but will you atleast consider that you would only be ...
  A: Let me explain, Jasmine. When I get a question on this site I am not given any information about the ...
Lesbian6/16/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: I am now dating a woman after being married for 23 years to a man. Am I considered a lesbian if I'm ...
  A: You are considered a lesbian when YOU decide you're a lesbian, Deborah. As an old friend of mine ...
wife?6/15/2008Michelle
  Q: were not legally married but last year we exchanged rings and vows and called it a marriage, we had ...
  A: I am so sorry to hear that she moved out...it has to be really hard for you right now, and I am ...
Lost6/14/2008Maenad Loyce
  Q: Firstly can i please try and tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a 28 year old female working ...
  A: There is only one distinct issue here, Syd. The thing with the co-worker is a non-issue, frankly, so ...
My girlfriend and her gay friends6/14/2008Michelle
  Q: My gf was a dancer in college. They toured a lot so partied in hotel rooms quite a bit. She has ...
  A: Believe it or not, yes. I do think it is pretty normal for a gay guy and a girl who is a close ...
Could I be bi?6/13/2008Michelle
  Q: In the past I have watched lesbian porn and it turned me on, however in real life I have never had ...
  A: The best way is to simply be okay with being bi, straight, gay, whatever you are...to reach a point ...

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