AboutMichelle Expertise I can answer/explore questions regarding: coming out; conflicts of faith for both the gay/lesbian person accepting their own sexuality as well as friends/family accepting the sexuality of someone they care about; coming out to your children; talking to your teens about being gay; coming out of a long term opposite sex marriage; history of marriage; legal recognition of same gender marriages; how ultra-conservative religious training/upbringing affects gays and lesbians; being "out" in a small, conservative community; current dynamics of religion/dynamics.
Experience I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and still am a Christian. From my earliest memories, I always had "crushes" on girls/women, but because of my background and training, believed homosexuality was a "sin" and that I was an abomination. I believed it was a "choice" and I was determined to choose heterosexuality. I married a man (claimed to be a Christian, ended up being abusive), had three kids, and was married for 20 years. I attended a Christian college (had devastating crushes there) and at the age of 26 started writing and speaking for Christian groups across the United States and Canada. After fifteen years of teaching others to "remove the masks" I finally peeled away my last mask. I lost my church, my oldest friend, my career, and quite a few people I trusted and loved--but I gained my soul. You can't fool God. I used my experience and tweny-five years of biblical studies to understand how scriptures have been misused against the gay/lesbian/bi/trans community. I am now married to a woman (seven years) and active in the gay/lesbian community. I have made myself an expert on same gender marriage issues and legal cases. I am very involved in local, state, and national politics.
Organizations HRC
PFLAG
Equal Rights Washington
Legal Marriage Alliance
Publications
Two books and hundreds of articles for Christian publishers
Publisher's Weekly
Western Horseman
Education/Credentials 2.5 years of college, including a variety of theology classes.
11 years of seminars & workshops
20 years as a writer (fifteen of which were for Christian publishers)
Expert: Michelle Date: 5/10/2008 Subject: i am really confused right now!! i need some help!
Question hello just browsing the net when i found this site..
just call me janica, turning 22 this year. and i am writing to you because of
this problem regarding this sexuality of mine. i don't know if a I'm straight
just like my sister or a bisexual.. but from this past few months, i am
realizing that i am falling in love with my best friend..(one year younger than
i am)
well, we know each other since second year highshool. we both didn't know
where it all started but there was something that connects us, ironically we
are so different (different likes and other stuffs) if you just can see us, i know
that in the first look you will definitely say that she is different. she is more
masculine-looking than i am. why? because she's not used to in wearing
skirts or using girly stuffs, and her group of friends are mostly men, actually i
am the only girly-girlfriend that she has..
it started last year, during our summer vacation together. she is the type of a
girl that is very persistent and always looking for an adventure e.g nature
tripping and doing guys' stuffs. she always wanted me to be there everywhere
she wanted to. she would not stop if i wont say yes!! she's sweet and cares
for me.. always treat me like she owns me.. she's always cracking girly-jokes
on me and yeah it made me smile! she wants us to be together everday as
possible... i dont know but it sounds so charming..
i had two boyfriends before and sadly they were the ones who broke up with
me. because of the same reason "you are not the typical girlfriend that i am
looking for" and why was that? because i was not that affectionate and
expressive of my feelings towards them..i love being a girl.. really!!! i don't
know but i realized that i am falling for my best friend.. for me it sound
sucks!! coz i never really imagined that i would feel this way towards the
opposite sex.. this past few weeks i always said no every time she asked me
to go out or go somewhere or wants to be with me. but after doing that, i felt
sad and regret what i did! and said to myself "how i wish i just said yes"
many people in our place (even my sister) suspect us that we are already
having a relationship because of the closeness that we have. but we are
denying it, because it is really not true..i just have this instinct that she likes
me because of the effort that shes doing to be with me.. i hate what i feel
right now because i am always thinking of my best friend, it made me smile
everytime i received txt messages from her, my day is not complete without
her name appearing in my cellphone....
please help me. i need you advice, i know my family expect me to be a
straight woman,,,,
i have this identity crisis in short.. please i need your reply.. thanx and take
care!!!
Answer Hi Janica...thanks for writing to me. Let me start off by saying, our world is used to straight people...that is far more common, so yes, they "expect" us to be straight like them. And for some people, if we aren't straight, yes, it is a "problem"...but frankly Janica, it is THEIR problem. If you are a lesbian (and it sounds like a distinct possibility) they cannot and will not live your life for you. Trying to be something you are not does not enrich or make their lives any better, but it can make yours much more miserable. So you have to live the life YOU are supposed to live...not the one you think other people want you to live. Especially when you may be surprised to find out that they just want you to be happy--and if being with a woman is what makes you happy, for most of the people who TRULY care about you, that's what is important.
You don't have to "decide" that you are a lesbian. But I would say, keep seeing your friend, see what develops and how you feel as it does. You will know.
The next time she calls, go ahead and smile, and answer. She will hear the smile in your voice, and the two of you can go have fun. Who knows, you might find yourself in love and she might too. Would that be so bad?
