AboutMaenad Loyce Expertise I can answer questions on discovering oneself in mid-life, lesbian relationships, where and how to connect to other lesbians, coming out, the whole 'religion' thing and most any other questions about lesbian life.
Experience I discovered I was a lesbian in my late 30's after being married for 8 years and having two children. I have been out ever since. I've been active in or visited many lesbian communities and have a large network of live and cyber contacts.
Education/Credentials There is no such thing as a degree in Lesbian but I've studied Psychology, Sociology and Women's Studies at university level. I believe my personal experience counts more toward at least a Bachelor's education level in Lesbian.
Expert: Maenad Loyce Date: 6/19/2008 Subject: my relationship
Question I'm in a lesbian relationship with a women who was strait until she met me. Now I'm having the best relationship i have ever had in my entire life. my problem is i dated a lot of strait women or bi women before. They have told me how much i mean to them only to find out they want to be with a man. Now with this new women I'm seeing it is amazing what we have. But I'm having issues with the fact that she still might do the same the others have. Now I'm not sure if i should be taking this relationship further all thoe i have complete trust in her. She tells me that i need to stop thinking about that. But i cant seem to help it. Should i leave this alone and not worry about it? She is more than i have ever wanted we have a special connection but my mind is doubting how long this will last before she wants to go back. I don't want to lose her.
Answer There's a good reason for your fears, Michelle. If one burns their fingers on a hot stove repeatedly one will avoid hot stoves. That's not exactly a perfect analogue but you know what I mean. A fear founded on experience rather than insecurity is impossible to wish away.
If you really want this to work you have to take a risk. You can always HOPE that THIS stove is NOT a hot one but experience keeps telling you not to chance it. The only way to deal with that fear is to confront it, let it have its say and then forge ahead anyway.
The other side of the coin is the thought that perhaps, on some level, you DON'T want it to work. Maybe you're willing to trust her but only to a finite point or maybe you really don't trust YOURSELF. I can't know if that's the case but you need to look at it anyway if only to discount it if it isn't the case.
The only suggestion I have is to give yourself some time to build up your confidence, develop a deeper trust and wrestle with your fears until it becomes easier to leap than to doubt.
