AboutMichelle Expertise I can answer/explore questions regarding: coming out; conflicts of faith for both the gay/lesbian person accepting their own sexuality as well as friends/family accepting the sexuality of someone they care about; coming out to your children; talking to your teens about being gay; coming out of a long term opposite sex marriage; history of marriage; legal recognition of same gender marriages; how ultra-conservative religious training/upbringing affects gays and lesbians; being "out" in a small, conservative community; current dynamics of religion/dynamics.
Experience I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and still am a Christian. From my earliest memories, I always had "crushes" on girls/women, but because of my background and training, believed homosexuality was a "sin" and that I was an abomination. I believed it was a "choice" and I was determined to choose heterosexuality. I married a man (claimed to be a Christian, ended up being abusive), had three kids, and was married for 20 years. I attended a Christian college (had devastating crushes there) and at the age of 26 started writing and speaking for Christian groups across the United States and Canada. After fifteen years of teaching others to "remove the masks" I finally peeled away my last mask. I lost my church, my oldest friend, my career, and quite a few people I trusted and loved--but I gained my soul. You can't fool God. I used my experience and tweny-five years of biblical studies to understand how scriptures have been misused against the gay/lesbian/bi/trans community. I am now married to a woman (seven years) and active in the gay/lesbian community. I have made myself an expert on same gender marriage issues and legal cases. I am very involved in local, state, and national politics.
Organizations HRC
PFLAG
Equal Rights Washington
Legal Marriage Alliance
Publications
Two books and hundreds of articles for Christian publishers
Publisher's Weekly
Western Horseman
Education/Credentials 2.5 years of college, including a variety of theology classes.
11 years of seminars & workshops
20 years as a writer (fifteen of which were for Christian publishers)
Question Hi Michelle, I love this website I have asked questions here before. My new question is this, well I will start by saying I left my husband and the divorce is almost final! YEAH I have begun dating however I do still have quite a bit of work to do on myself! My husband was abusive, and I grew up in an abusive home so I have been in therapy for awhile and I am doing a lot of work. I am joining a coming out group in the fall and already had my intake interview with the therapist. So I am excited about that.
As far as dating goes, I am so worried I know what I am looking for in a woman, as far as personality, I am picky when it comes to body type as I am very active and exercise a lot although I myself am not fit and tone! I worry that I will not find anyone, my hormones are out of control and are driving me crazy and I want to be able to keep them at bay. I feel like a teen, it's horrible actually I have lived really my whole life with a man (almost 19yrs and I have never been a sexual person) and now that I know what I desire I am going crazy! I am afraid I will be alone, many women question me because I haven't really been with many women only 1 and 1 time, and when I was a teenager but that's it. But I know for sure!
I sometimes feel like I will never meet anyone, but I also don't want to meet the wrong person. I am on a couple dating web sites. I guess I am just looking to see if I am normal that's all. I love the fact that I know who I am and that I can live the way I want. I just told my kids two wks ago and I will tell the rest of my family after my divorce. Although I think my mom might disown me she is catholic, but maybe that won't be such a bad thing! LOL I did tell my brother and he is ok with it, however he is not ok with me telling him that I am sexually frustrated! UGH
Well I guess I am just venting, I realize things take time. I do keep busy with exercise and reading and writing and trying to discover new interests. Ok I wrote enough your thoughts or input would be greatly appreaciated.
Sherrie
Answer Sherrie, I will start with this...
You are so, so, so, so normal! Yes, everything you are going through is so completely normal!
As you know if you read my profile at all, I was married to a man for twenty years. I can honestly tell you that for those twenty years I believed I was probably frigid. I was not a "sexual" person in any respect...but that was because for twenty years my focus was on suppression of my sexual orientation. I had NEVER been with a woman, and in fact, my partner is the only woman I have ever been with. But yes, when I finally admitted to myself (and others) my sexual orientation and came to terms with it, the suppressed sex drive went into high gear and I felt like a teenager at 38. And somehow I am not surprised that your brother wasn't anxious to hear about your sex drive...lol.
You are already doing what I advise people in your situation to do...you are keeping busy and doing the things you enjoy. I tell people not to "look" for love, but to do the things you love and are passionate about, and love "happens." It is kind of a weird thing how this universe seems to work. If you are looking for love, it is usually elusive, but if you are living your life passionately, love finds you. I've seen this happen over and over. It seems to prefer sneaking up on us, for some reason. But I think part of it is, "looking" for it affects our confidence and self image. It makes us feel "needy" to a certain extent. Living life passionately, doing the things you love to do, makes you feel good about yourself and confident and happy, and those are irresistable combinations. Confidence and passion make us attractive.
I do caution people about the online dating. It does work sometimes, and if you are in a remote area it might be the only option, but just be very careful.
Please write any time, and congratulations on being able to be who you are...I'm sorry for what your family has gone through, I know it isn't easy...but in the long run it is best for everyone.
