AboutLena Torres Expertise Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day Co-habitation. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help)
Experience Worked for 5 years within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.
Organizations FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.
Awards and Honors Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.
Question Ok Im 17 and the girl i like has a grilfriend. We have been talking for almost 4 months and she seems to be very intrested in me. She has girlfriend, and has been with her before we even met. She posts status updates on myspace saying she loves the girl and all. She call me everyday and we flirt at school alot. I kinda got tired of her tring to play me and her girl so I told her that I dont want to catch feelings for someone that is supposibly in love. She asked me why and told me that she has caught them for me. I tld her i cant wait around for her and she asks me why. I dont know what to do next so could you really help me?
Answer Dear Lost,
Yes, I can help you. But first, in order to receive "help" you must believe that the person giving the help is genuinely intending to help you and has nothing to gain by doing otherwise. And you must be open to hearing the truth. Agreed? OK.
She (the girl you are interested in) is emotionally unavailable, even to herself. She has a lot to learn still. Many of us have lots to learn. After all, life is a journey about learning. The danger here though, is that she seems to be blind to the fact that there is actually something wrong with being in a relationship with one person and expressing deep feelings for another.
When we are in a relationship (especially as women) there is an implied promise of fidelity, loyalty, even monogamy, and a responsibility to remain faithful to our partner, unless otherwise specified (and both parties agree to date others).
It is great that you have discovered that you can have a deep, romantic interest in another person and you sound secure in your sexuality and quite mature and ready to become involved in just such a relationship.
My advice: Free yourself, in order to be available when the time comes, for someone who can really appreciate all that you have to offer.
Lastly, you write: "I told her i can't wait around for her and she asks me why?" Your answer could be: "Because, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and if the history of her behavior thus far, is any indication; you are headed for a heap of heartache." After you have said 'that' you may gracefully bow out. And yes, writing it and sending via e-mail, is an option, in this case.
