AboutLauren Lopez Expertise I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.
Experience I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.
Organizations I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.
Publications Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.
Education/Credentials I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.
Awards and Honors From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.
Past/Present Clients The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.
Question Hi, so I'm finding this hard to write. I have no idea if I am gay or not, I definitely have leanings but no clear answer is in sight. I can't figure out if I just like women and thats it or if I do like men too (just to clarify I've only ever been with men, I only have minimal experience with women#. But I'm always super uncomfortable and I feel horrible after, I don't have that self loathing after making out with a girl, just feel kind of panic ridden. Anyway so either I am just non sexual, I'm a lesbian or I'm just making my life difficult.
There's this girl I know, she's a friend of mine, but its a different sort of friendship than with my other friends. I feel euphoric or absolutely horrible in her presence. And she's the same way, or so she says. Thing is, she has a boyfriend. And we have a strong mutual dislike of one another. I've tried to be nice, to be his friend but he is unbending so that did not happen. Anyway when we go drinking together, we are all over one another, its like no one else is even there. We've made out some, and have talked a lot, she keeps saying how something is going to happen one night if we're drunk together and I feign ignorance. When we're together with a drink in hand things just seem to naturally progress. I very well could be reading too much into this, but its causing me considerable pain.
She seems to be just as confused as me, but she has this boyfriend. She actually makes me crazy, like I just want to be around her, all the time. And this is not the first time this has happened to me either, there has been 2 other girls I've been invested in like this one. Do you think this makes me a lesbian because I don't get like this over guys, like at all, ever. Or am I deliberately allowing myself to fall for people who are unavailable to me? Thing is it could so easily be either #I am not opposed to being gay I just don't need it to be known to my world and then figure out I am not really) I could be gay as with these girls I've totally lost myself over its been so easy, just happening. Meeting, then liking, then really liking. But I'm also just so uncomfortable with guys, like so out of my element when it gets to the point of me being with them romantically, sexually is fine, not fulfilling, but not actually activating the fight or flight response in me that romantic encounters leave me with. Do you think I just feel pressured with guys or do you think I really am gay.
Sorry for the long and complicated story, I appreciate any thought given to my predicament.
Answer Hello Heather,
The point in your life that you are going through right now, trying to find your sexual identity, is always the hardest part in these situations. The most important thing here, no matter what you discover, is that you are confident and comfortable in who you are as a person and in your sexual identity. First of all, relax; try not to pressure yourself into labeling yourself one thing or another. You may not be able to completely identify your sexual preferences for awhile. If you allow things to just flow, wherever they take you, the answer will come to you instead of you going out and struggling to find it. From what you are telling me, however, it sounds as though you definitely are attracted to women in more than just a physical way. That may mean that you are lesbian, or that you are bisexual. In addition, it sounds as though you have thus far only really been attracted to men physically, which may mean that you are a lesbian (or bisexual depending on what you define bisexual as). Personally, I define bisexual as any individual who is both physically and emotionally attracted to both sexes to the point that an intimate and loving relationship can be had with either sex. If you really want to, you can take some time for yourself to just think things over, and think about where your feelings and attractions have led you; this may help you to decide what your sexual orientation is. Again, don't feel as though you have to rush to label yourself, just go with what comes natural to you in order to achieve YOUR happiness. I hope this helps you somewhat. Good luck finding yourself, because believe me I know at times it can be very hard! Take care and best wishes to you!
