AboutLauren Lopez Expertise I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.
Experience I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.
Organizations I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.
Publications Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.
Education/Credentials I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.
Awards and Honors From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.
Past/Present Clients The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.
Question I'm a girl and i am gay. i play some sports and i tend to like girls that are on my teams. i fell in love with a girl and Ive been in love with her for three years.(she's definitely straight). i have never thought of another girl besides her for three years. then about four months ago i meet a new girl on a new team of mine. i don't believe in love at first sight but i knew from the first conversation that we had that i would fall hard for this girl. she has been the only one that could take my mind off of girl "A" and i can see myself with her. but i don't know how to let her know i like her without telling her directly. now, i don't really have an issue with telling her directly but i don't want to screw up a friendship. and since she is on my team i don't want to have that awkwardness while we need to be focusing on the game.
so i guess my question is... is there an easy way to tell her i like her without causing awkwardness?...and could this be real love or is it just a major crush?
thanks.
Answer Hello Aaron,
Well for starters, do you know whether or not this new girl is straight like the last girl? In my experience, liking a straight girl is a for sure way to get hurt. It's not as though anyone can help who they are immediately attracted to, however, we do have the ability to not let ourselves get too carried away in fantasy or thought of a person. That is why I always recommend that if you find yourself attracted to a straight girl, that you just acknowledge to yourself that she is attractive while at the same time acknowledging that it is something that will more than likely never happen. You have to say to yourself "Wow, she is attractive, but oh she is straight. Okay, well moving on, because I'm not going to invest my thought or time into her, when I can be investing my time into something that I can have with someone else." It may not be easy to do initially, it may take some time, but I do believe that over time you will be able to fight off any strong feelings for a straight girl, by upon first finding out that she is straight and then acknowledging that and letting it go.
Now, if you do not know whether or not this new girl is straight, then talk to her. You don't have to outright ask her if she likes women or not if you don't want to, you can start a conversation about her feelings on homosexuality if you want and withing that conversation get your answer. However, if you already know she likes women, or you find out that she is into women, then perhaps you should try inviting her to hang out. I'd suggest getting to know her more outside of just the team. Perhaps you will end up liking her more, and perhaps you will find that the two of you may not be the best fit. It sounds to me as though you believe yourself to fall too easily for girls. Hey you like girls, nothing wrong with that! However, it is easy for us to get carried away to quickly and assume that we "love" someone. In my opinion, it sounds as though you just have a major crush on this girl. I don't know how long you've known her, or how much you know about her, but the impression I'm getting is that you haven't known her very, very long nor that you know an extensive amount about her. So if she is into women, I'd suggest that you get to know her better. Let the chips fall as they may and just go with the flow. If she shows interest in you, let her know that you are interested in her if you want. While it is hard being on a team together and dating, it is do-able if the two of you know how to separate the two. That may mean for some completely isolating the two, which sometimes is for the best. I wish you the best of luck in this one. Believe me, if she is not the one for you, I feel confident you will find someone else. You seem to have a big, open heart and someone is bound to see that and want to explore it more. Good luck, and take care!
