AboutLauren Lopez Expertise I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.
Experience I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.
Organizations I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.
Publications Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.
Education/Credentials I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.
Awards and Honors From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.
Past/Present Clients The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.
Question My ex girlfriend and i were together for about a year and a half. we dated about 6 months then moved in together. We got along great and rarely thought. I thought everything was perfect. We'd go out some weekends and the place we would go, there would be a certain girl there that she used to date. They had dated a couple years ago but the girl had just had a baby and my ex didn't want to be with someone with a kid so they stopped dating. Whenever we went out and this girl was there, her and my ex would wander off and go talk, i knew something was up. They were always texting so i asked what was going on.
My girlfriend told me that she is developing feelings for this other girl, that they had a strong physical connection together and she is curious how things could be with this girl. I told her we couldnt be together if she had feelings for someone else. She wasnt willing to stop texting this girl all of the time because she said she was a good friend.
So she packed up all of her stuff out of our house and moved right in with this girl the same day. We didnt talk for about 2 months, but then she text me some info about her family and we talked once every 2 weeks maybe. We just talk about random things and things were good. She mentioned to me this new girl has met her family, that killed me inside. WE have been broken up for about 4 months now and i havent seen her since they say she left. The thought of seeing her makes me so angry, i cant stand the thought of her new girlfriend, or them together.
I just dont understand how she moved on so fast. They had done things pysically in the first week that it took us months to do, because we wanted to take things slow. Was she really unhappy? has she really forgotten about me and moved on and fell in love again already? Any advise or input would be great. i just dont know how to get over this!
Answer Hello Samantha,
For starters, your ex did not jump into a fast-moving relationship with a stranger-it was someone she used to date. Perhaps those couple years ago when they were dating, they were on two different paths and weren't ready to commit. Now maybe they feel more as though their paths are going in the same direction and they feel that same connection as they did back then, but this time they feel more ready to settle. If your ex had just jumped into moving in with some stranger and doing all these things so quickly, it might make things even harder. That is not to say, however, that it still is not hard for you, because it obviously is. The point I'm trying to make is that this ex of hers may have already held some place in your ex's heart priort to you even getting in a relationship with your ex. So, that doesn't mean that your ex didn't care about you nor does it mean that she doesn't think you are a great person. Rather, it may just mean that she feels as though this ex of hers is someone she wanted to give a second chance to, or who she feels she truly belongs with. That doesn't make anything that happened between the two of you your fault, and you have to acknowledge and know that. Nor does that mean that your ex has all out "forgotten" about you, rather she may just be focusing on her current relationship. However, you also have to realize that just because she hasn't all out forgotten about you, the way she may be thinking of you is only as a friend. At some point in time she may or may not flirt slightly, but I'd suggest not to read into it too much and not to get caught up in the thoughts and fantasizing about what "could be" with her. Your ex has moved on and although I know it is heart-wrenching at some point you are going to have to say that aloud to yourself. It's always the hardest thing to do, watch someone you truly care about with someone else, but that's why you don't sit around and watch. You have to get up yourself, go out, talk with friends, make new friends, and meet new girls. It's not always going to be easy, and for awhile you will still think about your ex, but by meeting new girls it is going to make things a lot easier for you. By turning your focuses to something else and not investing all of your time thinking about your ex, you will be able to move into a direction of love and happiness just like her, but without her. If you two are meant to be together, then that will happen all on its own without any effort from you, but you have to let things be and go with the flow. I feel confident that you will find someone else who will be just as excited and love you just as much as you wanted your ex to if not more. You sound like a very loving and loyal person to be with, and people like you aren't easy to come by. I'm pretty sure there are some girls out there looking for someone like you and you don't even know it yet. So the best advise I can give you in this situation is to first say aloud that she has moved on, say it over and over again if you must until you get used to the sound of it. After that say aloud a few times that you did nothing wrong, it wasn't your fault. After that, say that you deserve happiness, and that you are going to find it. Many times people have a hard time acknowledging those things to themselves, that's why I suggest you say them to yourself aloud, and that you own them. Go out, find some girls to talk to, even if you are just making friends. Take your time to get to know someone new, you don't have to rush into a relationship, go with the flow. I'm sorry for what happened to you, but it happens to many of us, and what do we do? We get back up, dust ourselves off, and find a happiness beyond what we imagined. I hope this helps somewhat; outside opinions usually are the least bias. I wish you the best of luck Samantha, because I know you deserve it! Good luck to you and Take care!
