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About Lauren Lopez
Expertise
I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.

Experience
I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.

Organizations
I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.

Publications
Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.

Education/Credentials
I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.

Awards and Honors
From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.

Past/Present Clients
The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Lesbian Life > fighting and more

Lesbian Life - fighting and more

Expert: Lauren Lopez - 10/14/2009

Question
QUESTION: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and things were messed up from the start. I had just gotten out of a 21 month relationship and I didn't want anything serious and this relationship just happened. I love her so much but I cheated on her for the first two months of the relationship and she knows that. We fought about it and broke up and got back together. Well its not a year into it and we still fight about that and I feel as though she is cheating on me now. We fight over everything and pretty much anything. She is constantly on her phone calling ppl or answering calls or texting someone. She is from a non accepting family and I don't know what to do. I am not use to having a girlfriend live so close to me I can actually see her everyday. What do I do? If I back off we fight more if I open up and let her in...we fight more. Please help

ANSWER: Hello Nikki,

Well most of your problem is going to be stemming from the fact that you were probably not truly ready for a relationship at the time that you got into one with her. Of course we never plan it, but we do have control over when and how it happens. However, the past is the past, and we cannot change it now, only acknowledge it. The fact that you may have not truly been ready to be in a relationship however, is probably one of the things that lead you to cheat. Of course it is not justifiable, but in situations like this, it is usually one of the driving forces. The problem is that you cheated on her, and you did so very early in the relationship. Thus essentially from the beginning her trust was broken by you. She cares about you and wants to be with you, however she probably feels betrayed and doesn't know how to get over that. The problem is that trust is not merely rewarded to someone because they apologize nor because they care about you, it is earned. The only thing you can really do in this situation is talk to her, and try to reassure her that you care for her and that you want things to work, not only with your words, but also through your actions. Communication is soooooo important in relationships, but most people do so little of it. You have to tell her that you are truly sorry that you hurt her, and that you know you were wrong. Tell her that there is not justifiable excuse for what you did, but that perhaps at that point in time of your life, you were scared having just gotten out of a long relationship. Tell her that you know that doesn't make it right, but that now you know what you want- that you want her and a real relationship. Tell her that you don't expect her to trust you right away, but that you are going to do everything in your power to prove to her that you are serious. By the same token, tell her that if you are going to be serious about this relationship you need her to at least meet you part way. Tell her that it hurts your feelings that she puts much of her attention into her phone and talking to other people rather than you. Or however you are feeling about it let her know. She may say something to the effect that she is always on the phone talking to other people because she just feels like she can't trust you, or that she just wanted to bother or hurt you. Either way, tell her that you want this to be a new start for the two of you, and you hope that she can meet you half way. Communication is key here, so you two need to talk. I hope this can give you at least some help or point you in the right direction. I wish you the best of luck Nikki as I know this is going to be a tough one and take some time. Best wishes and take care!

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We have started over numerous times and it seems like every time we do I always mess up some how, though what i am doing seems fine to me. And now that she has more friends and sees them more she has so many more double standards. For instants in the begging I had friends a chilled with them all the time till like one in the morning some nights but i still talked to her all the time and told her where i was for the most part. But now that she has friends I don't see if and seeing she is not out to them I don't get to talk to her when she is with them. But if I don't text her when she is them she gets mad at me. On the other hand if I am with my friends and i don't respond to her text its not okay and she gets mad. another time she was working all day on a Saturday and normally she works till 1 am so I figured I would get text from her all day like normal though I told her sarcastically not to worry about texting me so she said fine whatever i wont text you. Well if she says don't worry about texting me it means text me or i'll be pissed. or she can drive sick and I can't. or she can not go to class bc shes not going anywhere in life just running her shop but i have to go to class. Like I don't understand it at all. She isn't out of the closet to her family bc they are hard core pure Italian from Italy so its not accepted so she leading a double life and doesn't understand that I am scared because shes going to have to date a guy to prove she is straight and I just don't know what to do. She had two facebooks one that i could go on and one for family now she only has the one for family and her default pic is of her and this guy and the way she is standing in the pic with him is the wat she stands with someone she is dating or likes more than just friends. I am so lost i don't want to lose her but she sees nothing wrong for what shes doing and thinks its just me being jealous....got any advice for that? lol

Answer
Hello again Nikki,

Her not being out to her family and trying to lead a double life does make things that much more complicated. However, on the other side if you knew prior to getting involved with her her situation, then you can't completely hold it against her. I'm not saying that I necessarily agree with how she is handling the situation, but the choice to tell her family is up to her. From what you tell me, it sounds as though both of you have work to do in the relationship. Neither one of you can attempt to get back at the other through trivial threats or actions. If you two want to try and make things work, then you two need to really talk. If she is not willing to talk it over, then she is not serious about the relationship and for your sake you should probably consider other options. The two of you need to try and start fresh and compromise. You should address the phone issues and find a way that works best for the two of you. It won't be easy to try and start anew, but if the two of you want any chance at making this relationship work and having it be a healthy relationship, that is what you need to do. You two need to try and put the past in the past, and give each other a fair chance in the relationship. If you two cannot talk about these issues and come to a compromise, your problems will only continue. Try having a talk with her about all your concerns, even about her situation with this guy. At least let her know that it bothers you, and what about it bothers you. Perhaps you two can come to some agreement about it, or perhaps not. Feel free to come back for another follow up, because until the two of you talk, I don't feel that there is much more significant advice I can give regarding the situation at hand. Good luck to you again, and best wishes!

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