AboutLauren Lopez Expertise I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.
Experience I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.
Organizations I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.
Publications Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.
Education/Credentials I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.
Awards and Honors From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.
Past/Present Clients The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.
Question Hi there. My name's Ane, I'm 20 years old. I've been trying to figure out if I am a lesbian or not. This past March I went to San Francisco and stayed with a woman who I've never met in person before. How I know I of her is through a close friend. And while talking to her over the phone, I felt that we had this connection. We'd talk until 3 or 4 am. During my lunch break at work, I'd call her, she'd call me. Pretty much my free time out of work and school, we'd talk to each other. One night she told me over the phone that no matter what happens between her and my friend, she still wants to keep in contact with me because she felt that we had known each other for years even though we have never met. So when I got to SF, it was this really odd feeling I had. I felt really comfortable around her. When we got to her apartment, I felt at home. Like as if I was still back in my home state. I was supposed to spend about a week with her, having her show me around SF and stuff. However, my close friend was also in CA at the same time but was in a diff city just an hour away. My friend and this woman were close but when I was currently there, they were kind of not on speaking terms. So I was in a tough spot of whether or not to hang out with my friend or this woman. Inside I really wanted to stay in SF with the girl and just hang out, get to know her more, but I felt like I was obligated to see and hang out with my friend since it was about 2 months that I hadn't seen her. So a day or two I hung out with my friend and one day all 3 of us hung out. We were just driving around, stuck in traffic whatnot. I sat in the passenger seat while my friend was in the back. The girl was talking to me more than my friend and a couple of times she would slap my knee because I said some funny things to try to be the comic relief since my friend and her still weren’t talking to each other. When she dropped me off at the airport, she gave me a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. Every time I was around her I felt weird. And the days when I wasn’t with her and instead hanging with my friend, I wanted to ditch my friend to hang out with the girl. When I came back home, pretty much all I could think about was her. And now we don’t talk anymore. Once in a blue we would. But it’s not like it was before I flew to SF for some reason. I’m not sure if she is a lesbian, but the way she acts and dresses gives me reason to think she is. For me, I’ve never felt this way about a girl so I am confused myself. It’s been months now and for a while I’ve been tellin myself that maybe I’m confusing me missing her to me liking her. Ever since this incident, I’ve been finding myself looking at girls more and not attracted to men. Is this just a phase or something?? I’m not sure how to go about this.
Answer Hello Ane,
The question of whether or not one is lesbian or not, is one commonly asked on here. Feel free to look at previous questions asked to experts for further options. Meanwhile, there are some common things I say to people in similar situations. First is that you don't and probably won't, really conclude your sexual orientation immediately after reading this- it's going to take time. If you can look at women and not only find yourself physically attracted to them, but mentally/emotionally as well to the point of wanting to have a romantic and intimate relationship with them, then chances are that you are attracted to women. Now if your feelings are like that but only for men, then perhaps you are straight and merely sexually curious about women. However, if you feel those same feelings towards men and women, perhaps you are bisexual.
In regards to this girl that you talk about...have you ever talked to your mutual friend in regards to this girl's sexual orientation? If not, perhaps you should ask her. Or you could take a more direct approach and try contacting this girl again, which doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Sometimes people get scared about liking someone they wouldn't expect themselves to like. So what do we do in situations like that? Generally we tend to retract and try to ignore the thoughts and feelings going through our heads, but why? You should never be ashamed of who you like or find attractive, it is what it is. It sounds to me as though you may have some interest in women beyond merely friendships and as though perhaps you have/had some interest in this girl. That being said, if you discover that in fact you do have feelings for this girl, then I say that you have nothing to lose by trying to contact her again and see where she stands. Perhaps she is going through the same exact thing as you right now and you don't even know it! The ball is in your court from here. Take your time however, to really decide what it is that makes you happy, because in the end that's all that matters! Good luck to you Ane and I hope no matter what the outcome that everything works out for you, and I'm sure it will! Take care!
