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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Lesbian Life > seeking
Expert: Kay - 10/25/2009
Question
I am a 26-year-old educated Christian female, happily married to a man and we are currently expecting our third child next summer. I have a girlfriend that I adore. I think about her all the time and have to be continuously careful that my thought-life is not completely dominated by her over my own family. My husband is a pastor at our church and often leaves for youth retreats. As much as possible I will have this girlfriend over. I justify it that I get lonely when he leaves and that small children are exhausting and I need a break, but inside I'm so unsure about why I cannot get enough of this friend. I take every excuse to touch her and love on her through gifts and acts of service and crazily enough, she came from an abusive background and now hugs and is moderately okay with touch because of me. I am terrified of ruining this other person with my excessive love which very well is inappropriate. Last time my husband left for a trip she slept next to me in my bed. I do not think I am interesting in anything sexual and I recently asked her is homosexuality is a temptation for her and she said it was not. A girl crush? I have never felt this way before shy of a few fleeting dreams and sexual thoughts that my husband believes is normal. I just want to know if this is considered lesbian behavior or if other women love women like I do. How do I know where the line is? I am not interesting in risking everything to cross it.
Answer
Hi J,
What you are experiencing is normal. The only problem is that you LIKE this woman and she is in your life. This is no longer a fantasy, thought or dream. The more you have her over (spending the night and giving gifts) the deeper things may become.
How do you know where the line is? Well you're married with three kids and I think that is all you really need to draw the line. You already mentioned that you are interested in risking anything to mess with her, so that would mean you would leave it alone.
Have you figure out why you like her/What it is about her?
Sometimes we could develope close relationships and they can develope into deeper things. You mentioned that your hubby is gone alot, so you probably developed that closeness with her. Again, if you are not willing to risk it all I would just leave it alone.
Just be a friend.
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