AboutLauren Lopez Expertise I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.
Experience I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.
Organizations I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.
Publications Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.
Education/Credentials I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.
Awards and Honors From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.
Past/Present Clients The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.
Question QUESTION: I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now.I admit there has been drama some what since day one, I had very bad health and needed a heart trans.. But the love we shared for eachother was remarkable. There wasn't nothing I wouldn't and didn't do for her. I got her so many things because I love her, a puppy, and many many gifts. I appreciate her being with me during the tough times. I recently had a break throiugh where the hole in my heart closed, and now I have a 2nd chance to really live my life and not be in fear of having a few months anymore.
I did ask her to marry me on her birthday in august and she took the ring and said yes. I love her so much and its like out of no where she's been distant with me. I went back home to the south a few weeks ago, and I had some things I wanted to take care of with my family basically telling them to accept my relationship and I don't want to be in any more family drama because it'll put a strain on my realtionship. So I came back a few days later got into therapy so that I can deal with all of my family issues get my mom into rehab and just finally close the skeletons that keep coming
out. So that was very successful, but then I noticed my gf was being very short with me, and distant and there was a point when we argued and we talked one night I asked her does she still wanna be with me she said she didn't want to break up but I don't understand why she's being so short or acting like she doesn't care anymore. I just want to know what to do, its tearing me apart, I've talked to one of her close friends he told me to just give her some time, things are just sinking in with her, but I can't just wait. Its hard to wait cuz it kinda gets worse, and its hurting my feelings.
I don't want to break up ever- I wouldn't of gotten a ring and asked her to marry me, I know she doesn't want to either we are soulmates. But what do I do to get her to open up to me and talk to me. I just don't want to loose her @ all.
ANSWER: Hello Renee,
As much as you understand how great she is for being there with you and for you during all your tough times, you may also need to understand how hard it is and has been for her. To love someone so dearly and fear losing them so quickly. Perhaps she is afraid of losing to you to something beyond anyone's control. Or perhaps she is afraid in general of getting married or of getting married and then losing you. As much as it is a hard and scary situation for you, it probably is for her as well. As much as we want the answers right now, sometimes that does mean some patience is involved. I think you need to sit down and talk to her and get to the root of her troubles. Ask her if her recent behavior is due to one of the reasons I listed above. If so, ask her to talk to you about it, to talk to you about her fear, troubles, and concerns. Let her know that YOU KNOW she has been there for you unconditionally, and that you want to be there for her just the same. If she says she just needs some time to think things over, then that may be something you have to give her. If she needs it, just tell her okay, that you understand, and that you want to be there for her as best you can. Tell her that you will be here waiting for her, and ready to talk to her whenever she is ready. This is no doubt a difficult situation for you both, but during times like this you two need to have a looooooot of communication going on between the two of you to keep the relationship strong and healthy. You also both need to have a lot of support for each other and understanding. I wish the two of you the best of luck as it is apparent how much you two care for each other. I hope this will help the two of you to at least start communication. Take care Renee and I hope all goes well for the two of you!
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QUESTION: I completely agree, its hard to establish patience in this because the marriage thing wasn't a problem its what she wanted and asked about a few times before I even gave her a ring. But its like she doesn't even want to talk about the situation at all. I've tried to reach out and just say we need to talk and just hear eachother out I want to be there for you like you have for me. And just to tell me your fears and concerns. But she won't talk to me.
Her gay best friend has been great to me, he has really been there calming me down and just telling me that she's sad, but she recently lashed out at me, and she really did hurt my feelings. I'm giving her space, its been 2 days of her not talking to me at all no text messages or even phone calls. I hate this feeling
I'm a wreck, I can't focus on anything until she talks to me, I just really want to get past this.
I've put a lot into our relationship and she's knows that. I don't know what to do, if I just let this go and she doesn't talk to me again then what?
Answer Hello Again Renee,
Well communication is key here, but the fact alone that she doesn't want to talk at all does make it that much harder. In this situation there is only so much you can do, because ultimately it is going to come down to her facing her fears and stepping to the plate to talk to you. There are a few things you can do here, the choice is yours: keep giving her time until she comes to you ready to talk and not contact her at all; call her and leave her a fairly brief message now that two days have passed and say something to the effect of "I know you are scared, I understand that. I know you don't want to talk right now, and I can respect that, but I'd like us to talk about everything so that we can get past this and both be happier. Take your time if you need it, but when you're ready, don't be afraid to talk, you know where I am;" or you can write her a letter of some kind stating something similar to the phone message you could leave (perhaps expanding on it some, but still don't make it too complicated or too long). I wouldn't suggest constantly texting her or calling her as that may only push her away more. Like I said, unfortunately most the of action here has to come from her side. You're doing your part, now she has to do hers. In the end, no matter how she feels, even if god forbid she feels she needs space for you or decides it can't work, SHE needs to talk to you about it, you deserve that. At some point in time, perhaps soon, I'm sure the two of you will talk. When that happens I hope that all goes well for the two of you. It is not easy waiting right now, but also know that when she does talk to you, it may be hard as well and may take more time for the two of you to talk and work out any problems or fears together. I hope all goes well, and again if you need another follow-up, I'm here. Best wishes!
