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About Lauren Lopez
Expertise
I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.

Experience
I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.

Organizations
I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.

Publications
Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.

Education/Credentials
I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.

Awards and Honors
From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.

Past/Present Clients
The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Lesbian Life > Confused and Lost

Lesbian Life - Confused and Lost

Expert: Lauren Lopez - 11/4/2009

Question
Okay I'm bisexual, and 17. The question I am asking is for advice, or an answer to something that I've been dealing with for over a year with a girl. This girl is my best friend at the moment, she is also bisexual. The thing is, before we became best friends we where just kind of friends, but with more. The feeling was there for a relationship, but we never acted upon it. The thing is in school she would tell everyone i was her girlfriend and stuff like that. She ended up playing with my heart, pushing me away, and then coming back. She admitted to me that she liked me.. a while back. But then, she would end up getting a new girlfriend or at least a girl to mess with. Which hurt me. During this past summer, we messed around, and such. I don't understand why she keeps pushing me away.. it hurts a lot, and I don't know what to do.. Nor, if she feels the same way I do about her.. I'm lost.. Please help.. I need advice..

Answer
Hello Nicole,

It sounds as though this girl is definitely confused about her feelings with you and what to do about them. I don't doubt that she has feelings for you, but it seems that she may be unsure of them or scared of them. The constant back and forth way she is pushing and pulling is what is conveying these messages. You need to really talk to her and get to the point. Sit her down somewhere where the two of you can be in private and have time to talk to each other about everything. Tell her that you are confused because at one point you feel as though she is into you and wants to be with you, but then she turns around and starts a relationship with someone else. Tell her what you told me, that you are confused, lost, and hurt. Tell her that you just want to know the truth, and that if she doesn't want to be more than friends with you, that you need to know so that you can move on past her. Be open and honest with your feelings so that she can feel comfortable to do the same. If she says she has feelings for you as more than a friend, then make sure to ask her if that is something she wants to act on. Ask her if she wants to be in a real relationship with you. If she says yes then lay down your wants/needs/expectations from then on (meaning that you are serious about the relationship and don't want her to run off and get another girlfriend again). If she does on the other hand say she's unsure of how she feels or she does end up going off with someone else, then I suggest you try and move on past her as hard as I know that will be. If that happens try to distance yourself from her more and for awhile and focus on other girls or hobbies if possible. The more time you spend with a person like that and in that scenario, the harder it makes everything on you; you'd just be torturing yourself. I hope this helps you some, or at least helps point you in the right direction. Good luck Nicole, I hope it all works out for you!

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