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About Lauren Lopez
Expertise
I feel with great confidence that I would be able to answer any questions related lesbian relationships. In addition I feel that I would be able to address further questions related to the emotional/mental conflicts many lesbians face with the "coming-out" process and with accepting their sexuality. Questions in general that ask for advice circling lesbianism are questions that I feel prepared to answer and assist with in any way possible. Questions that require medical diagnosis, legal advice, or absolute professional counseling I would not be able to answer as I am not a licensed professional in those areas.

Experience
I myself am a lesbian who has gone through numerous amounts of life experiences pertaining to the lesbian life. I have dealt with a troubled "coming-out" process, I have held online debates about lesbianism and rights, and I have mentored friends and other lesbians through online message boards. Granted I am not a licensed professional in any related field, I feel as though my personal experiences as a lesbian and through small mentorships does provide me with adequate ability to potentially help other lesbians like myself. As far as writing in concerned, for purposes of this site, it has always been a passion of mine.

Organizations
I belong to NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights). I am also an honorary member for Kiwanis International, which is an unrelated organization but focus on helping to support our communities and youth.

Publications
Up until this point, there are no publication where my writing can be viewed. I am taking this first step with AllExperts in hopes that it will be a good start and even greater experience for me.

Education/Credentials
I am currently working towards a bachelors degree in an unrelated field-Business Administration with an emphasis on small business management and entrepreneurship. However, in my first years of college I studied psychology, in general, with great emphasis and curiousity. I studied human sexuality and focused on theories of homosexuality and same-sex rights. I steered away from psychology however when I relocated and began focusing on business with plans to open my own business someday. Psychology and human sexuality still remain a focus for me, but as more of a hobby now.

Awards and Honors
From Kiwanis International in Torrance, CA I was made an honorary member and awarded a scholarship "for being such an inspiration." My first years in college I was on the Dean's list and welcomed into the Honor Society. In addition I love to write, particularly poetry, and was once nominated for Poet of the Year.

Past/Present Clients
The only past "clients" I have had were friends of mine or strangers I mentored years ago via online message boards. Currently only friends of mine, or friends of friends are people I openly and willingly give advice and support to.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay/Lesbian Issues > Lesbian Life > I'm not sure if my wife is bi-curious/sexual

Lesbian Life - I'm not sure if my wife is bi-curious/sexual

Expert: Lauren Lopez - 11/6/2009

Question
Hi, My wife and I are both in our mid 30's and we have two wonderful young children. We've been together 8 yrs now and in particular before we got married and settled down we would travel quite a lot on week ends away and stuff. How I began to ask myself about my wife's sexuality all started a few years ago. We were away on a weekend to Paris, had dinner and a few drinks and finally went back to out hotel room. I turned the TV on accidently switched on to a couple of porn channels. I joked with excitement and told her what I stumbled upon. She came into the room from the bathroom, and of course I was curious to see her reaction. One channel had a movie of a male / female nature to it. The other was of these two beautiful lesbians seducing each other. I asked her (hoping that she wouldn't tell me to turn the TV off) which of the two channels she wanted left on. To my surprise she asked for the lesbian movie to be left on. After a short while of purely just watching we both began to get very aroused and on first contact with each other she was extremely "wet" and turned on. The next morning I curiously asked her what she thought of the two movies we stumbled upon, and she very openly said she was more aroused of the the two girls rather than watching the male/female equivalent. I apologize for rambling here its just it was at this time that I first noticed, or think I noticed her sexual tenancies. Over the years since we could be watching telly and she would make a comment about a particular girl she'd see in a soap opera or something and say she was very attractive, or looked very sexy etc etc and I just thought that was what girls do, they comment on other girls being attractive etc, unlike guys about other guys. Fast forward to present day and of late there have been a few soap operas with lesbian story lines in them and when a girl on girl scene comes up she would ask for me to rewind it so we could see it again (the scene I am speaking of may only be kissing and no actual sex) I've spoken to her about it, usually when we are in bed when its dark just so it may help in hiding any of her embarrassment and ensured I wasn't being pervvy when I asked if we could speak about it. She said she had no tendencies towards other women and that she just found then attractive or sexy looking. But her reaction to these types of soaps and other thing we'd see on telly prompted me to text her by phone a couple of naughty girl on girl and 3 some scenarios. The girl on girl scenarios' I would put to her would have been of her and another woman. Her text messages back were very agreeable of the scenario I had put to her and she would even add in a little something of her own. We've been doing this for a couple of months now, for example I would send her a text to work and she would respond and might go on for an hour or so. She even said at one point that if she was in any way interested in another woman then Esther Anderson, the Australian actress, would be her kind of girl. Again I've spoken to her about it but with the stresses of family life and holding down a full time job its hard to get in the right mood to talk about it, and a couple of times I've asked her while she was in the wrong mood she would dismiss my curiosities and just say she didn't like other women. I find when she's more relaxed or if we're away just us together and she's relaxed she'll openly entertain any questions I might have on the subject and even comment on a particular girl who happens to be in the vicinity we're in. I've tried the "suttle approach" to the "just come out and say it approach" when I want to ask her about her sexual tenancies and depending where we are and what the situation is she'll talk about it more times than others, but always slightly embarrassed but jokingly so and still says she doesn't fancy any other women. I just have a feeling there is something there and that I'm not asking the right questions or I'm approaching it the wrong way. You see I have this feeling that she thinks I'm only asking the question to fulfill my own fantasies, which sometimes is partially true but other times I would just like to know if she is bi-curious. Could you advise me please If I am going about this in the right way and what type of questions I could put to her without her thinking I'm just trying to satisfy my own fantasies which is't the case. Thank you kindly in advance for your help.

Answer
Hello Eugene,

It sounds like you have a general idea of what you need to do, which is talk to her, but you should approach it a different way. There is always a right and a wrong time to talk to someone about a particular subject, and a right way to approach it. From what you have stated, I can assume that perhaps from her perception, you are asking more to fulfill your curiosities and enjoyment. Now from what you tell me, you truly want to know the answer for the sake of just knowing, but to her it doesn't seem that way. I wouldn't suggest bringing it up in bed, because that will make it seem as though you want to get aroused; nor in the dark because you think she may be embarrassed. Rather I suggest that you find time that the two of you can talk in private, somewhere she feels comfortable, perhaps at home when or where the two of you can be alone. When you approach her, let her know that you want to talk about something, but seriously. Don't go into it joking, or seeming aroused or anything of that nature. When you sit her down, let her know that no matter what she says it won't bother you (that is to assume that if she was bisexual/bicurious that it wouldn't bother you). Also let her know that you aren't trying to find out because you want something from her or from it, that you aren't expecting anything. Just let her know that because of her recent behavior, i.e. what you mentioned to me, you have begun to wonder if she is into women. Tell her that you just want her to be open and honest and feel comfortable to talk to you about anything and everything. You aren't there to judge her, let her know that. Don't tell her that she is lying to you if she gives you the same answer as before. She may still feel a bit uncomfortable confessing her desires to you if she hasn't even admitted them to herself nor anyone else before. If she gives you the same answer as before she may very well be telling the truth or she may just need more time. If that happens, just always try to make her feel welcome to come and talk to you about it, or about anything. Communication is so vital to a relationship, and some couples know it is, but they don't always know HOW to communicate and when. So try approaching her this way and just remember to be serious, reassure her everything is okay and that you just want to be there for her and for the two of you to always have open communication. Let her know that you love her irregardless. Good luck Eugene, I hope this helps some. Take care!

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