AboutKay Experience I am 26-yrs. old with a B.A. in psychology. But more importantly, I know what it's like to grow up not understanding why you feel the way that you do. I slept with men in the past simply because I believed it was "the right thing to do". I would like to reach out to others like me - to help them accept themselves, and feel comfortable around their family and friends if they decide to come out of the closet.
I would like some advice about how to find a girl when I am unable to put myself out there too much because I am in ROTC. I am 19, and I spent years trying to convince myself that I was not gay because I grew up in such a small town where that just didn't happen, but I have finally come to accept myself as I am, and I have no questions about that. I haven't come out to my parents or most of my friends yet, but I know I can. However, I am unable to come out to anyone but a select few at college, despite the large size of the university I attend, because of don't ask don't tell. I am still a freshman, and so I technically have the option of quitting ROTC without owing them anything, but I love the military lifestyle and I want to serve my country in this way because I will make a good officer. However, because I was not out in high school and never got a chance to be in a relationship, I would also like to be able to look for one in my college years, not to mention the 8 years or so I will owe to the military after I graduate. The situation will probably improve next year, as I will be living off campus with a friend (who is also a lesbian, but she and I would never date, we are just not compatible in that way), and so I will have some space of my own where I could take a girl if I could meet one without having to worry about nosy hallmates and roommates. Are there safe internet dating options that actually have a shot at working maybe, or are there ways to flirt without it being obvious to everyone if I met a girl at a party or something? I am confident in my ability to approach a girl, but I'm not sure of the exact etiquette since if I were to meet someone I wanted to be serious with, it would probably have to remain mostly secret. Thank you for your time, and I will certainly clarify anything that is unclear from my question.
Answer Hi Alicia,
Congratulations on your decision to serve its military. While I don't always agree with its ways, I always respect those that want to protect and serve our country.
Anyway, I know how you feel. I didn't come out until my freshman year in college. College is so different and you are right that you will be able to be more free and have other options. I think its good that you are also moving in with someone that is a Lesbian. I think the first step for "in the closet" gay folks is to surround themselves with other individuals. They all don't have to be gay but you atlest want 1 or 2 other friends like becaue its healthy in accepting your self.
It apperas that you are secure and have accepted your sexuality. Now all you have to do is accept the consequences of losing friends and family memebers. The last thing to do is enjoy life and make sure you always follow your heart.
When I came out, I was shy and I didn't know anyone that was gay. So, I spent a long time by myself. So I used the computer and met my first gf on there. I can't really tell you of any safe internet datimg sites but they all can be safe if YOU are safe. With that I'm saying try myspace,facebook, craigslist.
The best way to flirt without being obvious is to not be obvious..
Be your self, introduce your self and see where the conversation goes. I think anyone can tell if someone thinks we're interesting. They will talk more. You want to build off of that. Now if you are in a party setting, you want to probably make sure you are at a gay club. Your chances of meeing another Lesbian will be (obviously) higher. So you are already good. Just be your self and see where it goes.
