AboutKay Experience I am 26-yrs. old with a B.A. in psychology. But more importantly, I know what it's like to grow up not understanding why you feel the way that you do. I slept with men in the past simply because I believed it was "the right thing to do". I would like to reach out to others like me - to help them accept themselves, and feel comfortable around their family and friends if they decide to come out of the closet.
Question QUESTION: Hi there
I am a 20 year old female. I am writing to you today because I am in a bit of a
fickle. The first time I met *Jane (name changed) I knew I didn't feel the same
way I do with any of my other friends (girls). Something was very different,
enticing. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. Anyway,
whenever we would see eachother, I always felt a little bit of tension between
us, although nothing was ever brought up, but I had a gut feeling she was
feeling what I was feeling. Just by little glances, flirtiness, touches, etc. Well
one time we were both really drunk and out at a local bar, and ended up
making out behind the building. But this was never brought up, we both
probably think that each other didn't remember. Although I definitely did.
We've never really fought before, just little stupid arguments, and one time we
went for supper, and she called the restaurant "romantic". Well lately my gut
feeling is gone, I stopped feeling the tension, as if it just disappeared. We
always talk about boys, but even before I would still feel something was off.
She went on a date with a guy the other night, and I've never felt what I felt
that night, when I think about her, I feel so happy, and I think I am in love
with her. But I'm scared she might have moved on, or worse, never felt
anything for me in the first place. Is there any way I can tell if she is still
interested or ever was. I'm not ready to tell her how I feel though. Thank you
for your time!
ANSWER: Hi Emily,
Well it appears that you just made out because you two were drunk. Its really hard to stamp something on this when there is alcohol is involved. You have to ask your self would you have done this if you weren't drinking? Probably not.
The problem is that the two of you haven't talked about it since it happened so that mean either you or her are either scared or just trying to move on it. If I were you, I would just leave it alone. I can't tell you what to do but I wouldn't tell her how you feel because you don't know how she would take it.
You may want to try to figure out what it is about her that you like but importantly figure out what is it that you hope to come out of this. Are you trying to be with her or is this about experiencing what happened at the back of the bar? Could you do this with another female? These are important questions for your self.
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QUESTION: Sorry but this doesn't really help,
I've already asked myself all those questions and I know my feelings are true. I
usually get very bored of men but my feelings for her have only grown stronger.
And yes I would do it if I was sober but I can't because I don't know how she
feels. Is there anything I can do to see subtle hints that she is interested?
Answer Hi Emily,
There is book/guide to this. Im sorry that my answers doesnt really help but you have to keep in mind that there are a million possibilities and you didn't give much detail. You never told me your history or her history, therefore there was not much I could say.
Im not saying that your feelings are true but you need to figure why you feel the way you feel about her. Bump trying to see if she likes you. If she liked you, I would think that she would have said something to you about the incident. Ok, lets say she's scared, how would you tell? I don't know but as person, we all know when we are being liked. Its not hard. People give off a vibe. They would call alot, want to be around you, hugs, and other gestures. Either way, it's a guessing game and all you would do is assume. You wont really know until she says something or you ask. It doesn't appear that she is going to talk about the situation any time soon. So again, this is just a big obstacle. Ask your self is it really worth it? If you like her and KNOW that you are interested in women, maybe consider talking to her or atleast bring up that night to see what she thinks.
Hope this helps
