AboutLena Torres Expertise Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day Co-habitation. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help)
Experience Worked for 5 years within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.
Organizations FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.
Awards and Honors Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.
Question I have met a straight women for a year now, she has been divorce twice and right now she has a boyfriend that most of the time she spend fighting than doing ok. By the new year she told me crying that she wanna out but she is still together with him.
We live in a place that doesn't accept lesbian or gay life much or not at all, must couples get together as friends to dissimulate although lately much couples are coming out when they are secure to fight the people around and society.
She has always told me that she is straight that never in her live she is going to taste or be a lesbian. Until that point is fine, we become best friends. But she began to do strange things that i don't know what to think, things like she comes out of the bathroom in a towel and makes see which underwear she is choosing or how she puts on her body cream in the bathroom. She asked to wake her up everyday at 5am so she can drive her kid to school.
When she goes out with her boyfriend she text me or call me just to see how i am and how things are going.
Even though that I respect her decision, and part of my mind understand I still feel like there is something there. And sometimes I get jealous, and since I know I'm out line that I don't have any right to be jealous i pull myself out and then she always pick up I fight with me because I can be out of her life and tells me that she needs me. I told her that I was confused that I felt like I was falling for her, and that i need it some space to balance and redirect my life. She bought a pair of bracelet that now we were everyday as a promise, that I'll live her no matter what. She gave me also the keys to her house, and we even are starting a business together, that at first the boyfriend had participation but she wants him out cause she doesn't wanna even see him around her.
Her family, mom, sister and kid they call me when they don't know were she is or when they need to her something without getting her mad. That can also go with her boyfriend.
She always tells me that we have a different relationship, that she can't tag as best friends, or sister of life or ... (she doesn't tell anything, she just let it to my imagination i guess) and a few minutes later ask me if I was really gay?
She programs her expanding time with her boyfriend, that I be with her at least 10 min, I usually don't get a noticed before because she knows that If knew they together I wont go, cause I have always say to her that they need her private time as a couple without a third person.
So she is only is my mind playing tricks on me, with the hope that someday we can be together or is she just a friend?
Answer Dear No Idea,
This woman must really be something. She’s got her mom, sister, kid; tiptoeing around her to try and “not make her mad” and engaging your help in doing so. She’s stringing along a boyfriend who she (at least at times) reports to have little interest in and then there’s you. Stringing along, would be an understatement for what she is doing to you.
She knows you are gay and that you have an interest in (are falling for) her. Yet, she sees nothing wrong with applying body lotion all over, for you to watch or exposing herself, modeling various undergarments for you to watch. Come on!!
Things are going swimmingly for her. She obviously has no regard for anybody else’s feelings. So it is unlikely, that she will do anything differently from exactly what she’s doing now.
Here are some questions for you to answer for yourself: Are you dating other people? If not, why not? What are you waiting for? What else is going on in your life, that doesn’t involve her? Are you pursuing a career/a hobby/doing things with other friends?
My point is that all your eggs can’t be in one basket. She has absolutely no incentive in becoming your life-partner (assuming that is what you are expecting). She has told you that she is straight and she has gotten you to promise that you belong to her (are at her beckon call) 100% of the time. You are providing ALL that she needs from you.
How much of what you need, is being fulfilled for you? Are your needs being met? What are your needs, and how can you ensure that they are met?
Once you have the answers to the above questions, you may discover that she is not the right person for you, that you have your own needs which require your time, energy and focus and that she cannot continue to be your priority. There is another person that is way more important than she - YOU. You cannot please both you and her at once. You must chose one or the other. If you chose her, please know it is at your own peril.
