AboutLena Torres Expertise Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day Co-habitation. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help)
Experience Worked for 5 years within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.
Organizations FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.
Awards and Honors Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.
Question Hi, I'm in a relationship right now, so far everything seems fine between us from what I see. Although officially introducing her to my family, especially my parents, as my girlfriend hasn't really crossed my mind. But she has already met them, she even gets along well with my niece and nephew. The thing of it is, a few days after my parents met her, my mom asks me where I met her, how do I know her, if I really knew her, background, etc. Honestly my mom was nice and considerate when she asked me about her (my girlfriend). She assured me that my friend did not do anything wrong for her to get a bad impression, but she can't help but feel that there was a negative vibe about my friend as she put it, she couldn't point it out.
Answer Dear Suspects,
While you sit, wondering if your mother suspects; gather as much information as possible in the likely event that she may discover you are having a relationship with a woman. PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) offers valuable resources for parents who have just become aware their child is in a same-sex relationship.
Go to their website and gather as much data as possible, to give to your mother.
Once she knows, she will undergo her own coming out process, so avail yourself of vast amounts of information and support for yourself, to help you cope with any possible outcome, including the worse case scenario.
Of course, 'you' would know best how your mother is bound to react. Ask yourself: What has been her opinion of the LGBT community, thus far? Does she have outdated, homophobic views or is she welcoming of alternative lifestyles? How open-minded is she in general? Have the two of you been close, shared difficult truths? Have you been encouraged to trust her and speak openly about whatever is going on with you?
The answers to the above questions will help you to gauge her probable response to the coming out dilemma.
Worth repeating, is what I have stated above: You can never be too prepared. Also, be confident and sure of yourself as you are revealing your truth to her -- own it! Be armed with responses to typical concerns/comments like: "You will never get married, have children, be accepted by society, have a 'normal' life. Which are very common misconceptions held by parents of gays, as they experience their child's coming out.
Avail yourself of research, studies, statistics, to counter any myths she may have been led to believe.
Once you have done the above, simply ask your mother: What do you mean by "negative vibe about friend?" If she says, she seems gay and you feel safe enough (meaning you feel safe, will not be kicked out, lose financial assistance, etc) then it may be time to come out to her.
Here are some additional guidelines in traveling your journey:
