AboutLena Torres Expertise Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day Co-habitation. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help)
Experience Worked for 5 years within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.
Organizations FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.
Education/Credentials B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.
Awards and Honors Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.
Question Hi i have had feelings over the last month with a 22 year old women who i play soccer with who is a lesbian. We had a soccer dinner the other night and we ended up kissing and talking about seeing how things go between us. i am turning 29 in a couple of weeks and have always considered myself to be straight however after the dinner i am unsure and to make it worse she now says she just wants to stay friends. i told her i was confused from the start but she seemed the one who initiated and was into this and helping me and has now pulled away. Where should i go from here? Is she scared but i thought that's what i was?
Answer Dear Confusion,
She may be reacting to your own uncertainty. No one wants to get seriously involved with someone who may end up having doubts or not being sure of who they want to be with. Naturally, she would avoid the possibility of getting hurt.
Before you get into any kind of relationship, take some time to become thoroughly acquainted with yourself and your own needs. Once you are sure if it is a woman you want to be with, it will become much easier for you to find a compatible other. It will also become easier to trust you.
You ask if she is scared, because "that's what you are." There is no rule against two people being scared at the same time. I think in this case her fear seems to be for entirely different reasons though.
Start your journey by frequenting places where you might be around lesbians. Get to know the lifestyle. Search within yourself and talk to others about their experiences. You will find that you are not much different from others in your same situation, whatever that may turn out to be.
Try not to get involved until you know for sure that you would like to be a part of this community. A lot of people get hurt that way.
