AboutVicky Expertise Lesbian: sexual problems, coming out, general questions about being gay:-) i came out when i was 17, and ive helped several ppl not just friends, come to terms and understand what its like to be gay, the kind of lifestyle it leads to or rather can lead to, medical issues, and just how to be happy with your choice of lifestyle.
Question I have been with my partner for a bit over 2 1/2 years. Our relationship is pretty rocky lately. When we first started dating we had sex a lot. Now it is rare, maybe once a week if lucky. I think that is due to fighting so much. But anyways, sometimes when she is using a dildo on me, I start getting the urge to cry, and I have to ask her to stop because tears start rolling down my cheeks. The problem is is that I don't know why I am crying. That in turn makes me even more upset because I get mad at myself for crying. SO last night was the worst. I mean sometimes, when I end up crying during sex, the sex was unwanted in some ways, so I would pass off the crying as that, that the sex was unwanted. But then last night I initiated the sex and wanted it, both of which are VERY rare for me to do, and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then the tears started rolling down my cheeks, I asked her to stop, and she did after about 30 seconds when I asked her again and she realized something was wrong and that my "stop" wasn't a playful one. So she left the room and I started bawling just about. Sobbing uncontrollably. After finally getting myself to stop crying I went to bed with her, but I still felt very shaken up, I was shaking/trembling very bad. Eventually I fell asleep and it was over. Why is this happening? I didn't always feel like this after sex, just like maybe the last year, and only after insertion of a toy in me if I recall right, and not every time, sometimes even with a toy I am fine. I was forced to perform sexual acts on my older sister when I was very young, and that has left scars on me, as now I don't want to give my partner any oral, but I don't think that has anything to do with my crying, although last night she did ask me to give her oral, but I refused. I just can't bear to do that, it brings back to many memories everytime I do try to do it for her. My partner now is the first woman I have ever been with as feel, before that I was only ever with men. What do you think is causing this issue, that I have described in detail, and why does it happen, or who can I talk to to find out why I start to feel this way at all? I don't want to talk to my doctor about this, as I don't feel comfortable doing so.
Answer Hi Kim, thanks for coming to me.
The best advice I can give you is to go and talk to someone.
I appreciate that you are not comfortable with talking to your doctor, but it may pay to ask your doctor if there is someone he or she can recommend that you can go and see.
If that is not an option at all for you, then if you can look online for any counsellors or psychologists in your area, that may be the way to go.
I wish I could be more helpful here, but I do think that a professional counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist is the best way to go. They can help you get to the bottom of your troubles quickly and start you on the road to recovery so-to-speak.
But dont forget about your partner here either. You will need to talk to her as well. She is probably feeling out of sorts about this as well, and will possibly be wondering what it is that she is doing wrong? The fighting that you are both doing at the moment, could also be as a result of what is happening to you emotionally at the moment as well. Dont leave her out of the loop as that can have a negative impact on your relationship.
I really hope that everything will be alright. It may take time though, so dont expect a quick fix. But dont forget to talk to your partner about this as well ok?
Please take care and i hope that i have been of some use here, but if not, please come back.
