AboutVicky Expertise Lesbian: sexual problems, coming out, general questions about being gay:-) i came out when i was 17, and ive helped several ppl not just friends, come to terms and understand what its like to be gay, the kind of lifestyle it leads to or rather can lead to, medical issues, and just how to be happy with your choice of lifestyle.
Question hi vicky, im 14 and a lesbian or bi? not quite sure but im not sure how to tell my mam i just don't know what to do, my girlfriend of almost ten month has said to me she will tell my sister to tell her if i don't. i want to tell her but don't feel like i can. It is not up to my girlfriend when or when not i tell my mam its up to me. I would like to tell her myself but i don't think i can, what the best way to tell her? i don't want to argue with my girlfriend over not telling her how do i stop her?
please help!
Answer Hi Kimmy, thanks for coming to me.
Well firstly, it is NOT your girlfriends place to tell anyone anything about you!! In fact if she is threatening to do that, then you need to ask yourself whether she is truly worth having as a girlfriend!!
Someone that cares about you,shouldnt want you to do something if you are not ready to do it. That to me, just shows that she is not thinking about you at all, just herself for whatever reason!
You dont need to feel any pressure right now. you are still young, and trying to figure out who you are. These things take time, and NO ONE has the right to tell you when to do things or what to do...EXCEPT for your parents. Because they are the ones that are trying to help you and look after you until you are old enough to sort things out for yourself. Not your girlfriend.
I guess the best thing you can do is talk to her again. Tell her it is not her place to decide when YOU do things. If she still says she will, then it is up to you what you do. You can choose to end it, or not. In all honesty, if she is pushing you to do this, hten you need to think carefully about why she is wanting this. If you are not ready, which it sounds like you are not, then you need to make a decision about what is best for you right now. Again you are only 14. there are plenty of people to meet yet, and you shouldnt settle for someone if they make you feel in anyway unhappy.
Now if you are wanting to tell you mum, then you need to set some time aside to do so. Perhaps get her to go with you somewhere where it is just you two. Im hoping that you can talk to your mum about anything, and if so, make sure you mention that up front;) Perhaps say Mum can i talk to you, you said i can talk to you about anything right? i know it sounds funny but it may open the door to her keeping an open mind. Tell her that you are confused about things and that you just need her to know what you are going through. If it all turns to custard, which i am hoping it wont, but if it does, make sure that you have somewhere you can go where you will be safe.
There is no easy way or right or wrong way, to tell your family. Everyone is different, BUT it is ALWAYS up to you how you do it, and when you do it. No one should ever feel any pressure about this sort of thing ok? Because you are so young, you may find that later on down the line, you might change your mind! It does happen, and it is perfectly normal and natural to have these feelins anyway. IT is also perfectly normal and natural to have the feelings of bisexuality at this age. you havent quite hit puberty yet, and all these emotions are coming out as you are growing up:) perfectly normal ok??? Im hoping your mum realises this as well, and will help you by just being your mum:)
I feel like i have waffled a bit here, but i do hope i have been of some use. If not, please come back and i will try again!! Please take care of yourself now, and only do what feels right for YOU ok?? ALso remember to have someone on standby as support if you go ahead with telling your mum ok??? ok:) take care
