Lesbian Life/Please help

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QUESTION: I need help. I love my bestfriend but I don't know how to tell her that I love her. I think about her a lot somethimes even in front of her. I really want to tell her but I am afraid to because I don't know what she'll say. How do I tell her that I love her?
Please help if possible
Thanks

ANSWER: Dear Friend,

The important thing, when you do tell her, is to be prepared for whatever the outcome. You owe it to yourself to tell her. You did a very good job of writing about it to me, so why not use the same words.

Say.... You are my best friend, but I love you in a deeper way. I think about you a lot. Even, at times when I am around you. I really have been wanting to tell you, but have been afraid, because I don't know what you'll say. I love you!

There, see? Same thing. Great job!

But you can't be attached to what happens afterward. You may want her to feel the same thing, but no two people ever feel 'exactly' the same thing. Remember, you have no control over what she feels or how she reacts.

Sometimes it's a matter of allowing some time and space and... she'll come around. Sometimes, you lose your friend. I won't tell you, that's a good thing or that it won't hurt. But, if you love her 'that way' you might be unable to maintain the illusion of being her friend anyway. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to live a lie.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I told her but on Facebook and she had nothin much to say. Been trying to tell her in person but have no guts. I have also had the most corrupted dreams bout her which is weird. I love her and still don't know how to tell her.
Please help if possible
Thanks

Answer
Dear Friend,

You... have told her! There is no need to tell her again. In my previous reply, I said: Be prepared for whatever the outcome.

Now, it is your job to take two steps back. Her reaction of having, no reaction, is common. Sometimes, that's it, there is nothing else to follow. But at the risk of giving you false hope, sometimes, more follows. Sometimes it's more dialogue and in a small number of cases, a confession of her own love for you.

But reality is, that more often than not what follows, is an angry backlash full of negative attacks and even she, herself may not know where it came from.

Do yourself a favor and do not get entangled in the negativity. Having feelings for another person, expressing them openly or being gay does not make you a bad person. It makes you a very good, authentic person.

Please go to the GLBT community center or MCC church in your area and avail yourself of support groups, you can become acquainted with. Surround yourself with support.

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Lena Torres

Expertise

Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day life. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer readers to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help on these issues). No questions with sexual content, especially from under-age readers.

Experience

Worked within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.

Organizations
FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.

Education/Credentials
B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.

Awards and Honors
Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.

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