Lesbian Life/mixed feelings
I have so many mixed feelings I'm a 46 year old married women 11 yrs now I have trust issues with my husband because of past infidelities I love him but not happy a few years ago I had a very short lived affair with a lesbian co worker of mine before that I never thought about women the way I do now but I regret it she kept showing me affection in the beginning I wasn't interested but as time went on I started to feel things that I didn't feel with my husband I got so caught up with her I eventually fell for her huge mistake I thought to myself first experience with a woman and me thinking I love this woman and she loves me well she got involved with another female co worker I was so hurt and very very angry the anger issue is something I continue to work on daily we still work at the same job but we don't speak before that I use to think women were so different than men I feel like I was blindsided by my feelings for her so I vowed never to let this happen to me again meaning falling for another women and here a few a few years later I meet this woman which we have been talking a little over 2 years now everyday by phone email or tex we met once breifly because were in two different states she gives me what I'm not getting in my marriage frienship affection understanding communication comfort and so much more deep down inside I wanna be with her she knows and understand the situation I'm in and what I went through she's been nothing but patient with me I love my husband but we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things I feel such a deepness with her and feel like one day I'm gonna be brave enough to make that move he knows about the affair but doesn't know I'm still attracted to women I would like your opinion
Get honest with everyone, completely honest. Your husband, though you may not see eye to eye, deserves to be with someone who is completely devoted to him, mind, heart, spirit.
Here is a website that most, previously married or hetero women, experiencing what you have, found helpful: http://www.askjoanne.net
Use the website above, often, for support.
You matter. Living two lives is exhausting. Get started on the road to authenticity, as soon as possible, so that you won't have to live two lives any longer. Only the one life you were put on this earth to live. Ask yourself what the real reason you stay with your husband, is? Financial, fear, security?
Most importantly, this is not about those women you have met. Not about who loves you, shows you friendship, respect, etc. It is about respecting yourself and being honest with yourself.
Only you can come to terms with your own sexuality -- no one else can do it for you. The only opportunity there is to be had here, is the opportunity to free yourself from all things that do not allow you to genuinely grow and become someone, you are proud of.