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Lesbian Life/my gf's straight bff is suddenly inlove with her


QUESTION: I am bi, my girlfriend now of a year and a half is a stud, and her straight best friend is now in love with her. I only recently found out. About 5monthes ago my gf lost her job.I then found out that my girlfriend has known for about 5months, that she infact found at that day at work and that it was the reason she lost her In this 5months they have grown significantly closer.. phone calls that could last hrs.. calling multiple times a day, wake up and goodnite phone calls. the bestfriend has 2children, we have non. Her now 1yearold son is my gfs godson. She makes regular weekly/biweekly often times overnight visits. She swears nothing has happened between them,that it is because of the kids, that she only sees her as a friend. The best friends baby's father is not n the picture.. my girlfriend gives a lot of support..her bf does work part-time, after losing her job I would help out I became breadwinner of our household covering all expenses, even helped my gf helped out her bf. Now finding out they both were lying for so long,... While all of this was happening , our relationship has deteriorated, sexual emotionally... Now we r on the brink of a break up. We love each other, but she won't let go/back up, the only thing that is nor happening is the overnight visits, and instead of phone calls they txt. HELP PLEASE!!!!.. how to repair??

ANSWER: Hello,

I have always learned that you must always be careful of the best friend! The biggest problem I find with your situation is that your girlfriend didn't tell you right up front that her best friend had romantic feelings for her. That's a big relationship red flag. It also bothers me that your girlfriend is talking to her first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. Those times are supposed to be spent with the person you are in a relationship with... kind of a "last person you think about before bed and the first thing you think about in the morning". That's how I read it. Hours of phone calls and now your relationship is suffering. I've never had a best friend that I spoke to at all hours of the day (except jumior high when we were on the phone 24/7 but that was different). As adults in a relationship, the priority should be your significant other. You don't keep secrets- especially secrets about romantic feelings or anything that could ruin the relationship. And your relationship is probably suffering sexually and emotionally because your girlfriend is giving those thoughts to her friend.

I'm not sure your relationship can be repaired. You probably don't trust her very much right now (rightfully so) and once trust is tested in a relationship it doesn't usually go back to what it was. It seems pretty clear that she is interested in the best friend. Otherwise, your girlfriend would be doing everything possible to make sure you felt loved and secure in your relationshipiInstead of texting all the time with this person. Quite honestly, I was in a similar situation a few years ago. We broke up and I realized after I wish I had broken up with her earlier. Being by yourself will help you realize what you want in a relationship and it will help you see what you are missing in your current relationship. It will make your girlfriend either run to the best friend and explore their relationship (which is probably inevitable) or realize what she really wants and may or may not get back together with you.

Your relationship is toxic right now and the only way for the two of you and for the relationship to heal is to let it go for a little while. You aren't happy and if your girlfriend has no plans to get rid of the best friend or to change her own behavior it isn't going to work. You deserve someone who will be honest with you. will consider your feelings, and won't be hiding things from you. "Sometime love just ain't enough".

Good luck and if you need additional help, feel free to follow-up.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you very much, now that everything is in the open she expects me to go along with everything, we had some trust issues before.. because of our other problems, she's declared that this girl isn't the issue.. in my eyes all she's done is prove what I already felt.. she somehow makes me feel very selfish that I can't be accepting.. I myself have always tried to b level headed.. I know thing can't b resolved over night.. after about a month or so of knowing, things had continued and gotten worse.. it now semi seems as if my gd is starting to realize.. but our relationship is toxic now... She has a temporary partime job.. I don't know how to leave her. How to go about thus correctly.. everything turns so ugly

Hello again! :)

Obviously, you don't want to "go along" with everything and you shouldn't and don't have to. You aren't happy and what's the point of life if it isn't happy? Never ignore your gut feelings-they are always right! You never want to be involved with a person who insists that you can just go along with what they want whether you are happy or not. That is very selfish and just not right. A relationship is about caring how the other person feels and being equals and making your partner your priority.

There are many ways to go about leaving her. Do you live together and if so, is it a mutual living space or your place or her place? Sometimes, if it is expected to get really ugly, you're better off moving your things out and then dropping the break-up bomb. Then you don't have to worry about your stuff getting broken or stolen. (The hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff) Wait until she's out for a definite period of time (plan ahead) and have some friends come over and move your stuff as fast as you can. Spend the next few days finding a new place or stay with a friend until you have a place. Her financial problems aren't your problems. She is the problem with the relationship (there may be other problems but this is the biggie) and she is no longer your responsibility. You have to make a clean break. You aren't responsible for supporting her. If she lives in your place, kick her out. Tell her she has __ days to move her things out. Don't back down.

I know it sounds harsh but break-ups are hard and running back to each other is easy. Breaking up and living under the same roof can be awful, especially if she runs to her friend for support. You don't want to see or hear that. Just be strong and I promise when it's all over, you will feel a million times better and as time passes, you'll find your happiness again and someone who will treat you right,

Good luck!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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