You are here:

Lesbian Life/Talked to crush on fb, now she's ignoring my messages :/

Advertisement


Question
Hi there,

So I finally got up the courage to talk to this girl I've been crushing on. We chatted a few nights in a row for an hour or two and were laughing about things and talking about each other. I did notice she wasn't really asking me any questions, unless I asked her a question first, then she asked for my answer. Anyway everything was fine. But then I sent her a message asking how she was and she saw it but then just never answered. A couple of days later I sent her another message and she saw it but still never answered it and it's been like 3 days after I messaged her.

I guess my question is what's going on? Is she trying to let me know that she's not interested? Or is she just shy? I know she told me she's a shy person, but in front of groups of people she seems very confident to me. she just recently got out of a long term relationship, but I was just trying to be friendly with her :/. Do you have any idea what could be going on here? Thank you so much for your response! I really need some help with this.

Answer
Hello,

Well, I had a nice, long response written for you and my computer decided to erase it. Grrr...

Anyway, girls are curious creatures. :) There are a lot of factors for why this girl hasn't emailed you but the bottom line is, I don't think she's interested.

Have you ever watched the movie or read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You"? Very useful and very funny. No matter how busy a person is, if they are interested in someone, they will find a way or time to get in touch. Always. No matter what. No matter how shy a person is, if they are interested, they will get in touch. Always.

Now, with that said, the lack of interest is probably not because of "you". The lack of interest is probably about the ex. She might be trying to work out her feelings about the ex or maybe trying to rekindle the romance with the ex. Either way, she won't be ready for a relationship with anyone for awhile.

Also, it sounds like you don't actually know each other. She could be a little weirded out that a person she doesn't really know keeps chatting with her and emailing her. One person's romantic gesture is another person's creepy stalker. :) lol I know your intentions are good and no harm of course, I've learned that other people sometimes see things differently. This is just something to consider as well as a just in case.

I've been in your situation many, many times. This is usually how I handle it because no matter what happens, you have an answer and life goes on one way or another. I would send her one more email. Come clean as to why you were contacting her. Ask her out for something casual as a "get to know you" activity... chat over coffee, a walk or a hike, something casual where you can just talk and get to know each other. If she says no, then you have your answer and you aren't left wondering. If she doesn't respond, then most likely she is wrapped up with the ex somehow. Or, you get your date and communication becomes far easier. You have nothing to lose at this point. Always better to put yourself out there than wondering what if.

I wish you luck and I hope it all works out for you. Feel free to follow-up if I can help further. :)

Lesbian Life

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Alicia Thompson

Expertise

I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.

Experience

I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

Organizations
I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

Education/Credentials
I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.