Lesbian Life/Is it me?
I have been in a wonderful relationship for three years now. We are both late 40s. Due to her elderly parent and my tweens we dont live together. There is an issue that keeps coming up... "Her family vacations with her two adult kids ". The GrandDad has hosted a summer vacation for many years past. For 2 years my child and I didn't go. We could have but all the kids are older and been together for years. But this past summer , which was the third time they were heading off I said next year 2013 I want us to have a family vacation. I can afford to take us all. Now her sister wants my partner to go on vacation with her... all the kids but no spouse's. And I'm hurt and pissed off.
Ok yes ...For years past those two and their kids traveled together and its reasonable for them to go. But I want her to want that with me but she says her girls are older and it wouldn't be the same. She wants to with my kiddo.
Admittedly I really want us to be a family. All if us. But I don't think she even wants to ask her kids to go on a trip. They're 22 and 19 mine is 13. She has remarked her previous partner had issues with her relationship with her sister. But that partner had no kids and honestly I love her sister.
So I wonder am I expecting too much of her and the kids? I also wonder if there isn't some old anger and resentment left over from issues from her old partner? There is a part of me that says yes to both of these. What do you think about counseling to help find out what the issue really for us both? Cuz this keeps rearing its head.
Well, I think you are very justified with your feelings. It has been three years, that makes you all family. Family vacations shouldn't exclude anyone, no matter how close certain family members are. I would be upset and my feelings would be hurt if my partner went on vacation with her sister and didn't invite me or made it clear she didn't want me to come along. I would also be mad if my child wasn't included in everything.
Just because your partner and her sister went on vacations together in the past, doesn't make it okay now. Things change in time. You are you, not her past partner. Your partner has you and your child now and you guys need to be included in the family vacations. The ages of the kids shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter what a past partner did or how they felt, this is about you and your feelings. Your feelings matter and it is not right that you are not being heard.
I don't think counseling is necessary. You said you love her sister. I think the three of you can talk it out by yourselves. I don't believe in counseling for relationships. It is better to talk it out with your partner first and then when an agreement has been reached, bring in the sister to talk with her. This isn't a trip to the mall, this is a vacation and everyone should be included. If your partner and her sister want to spend a little time alone while on vacation with you, that's ok but not taking a whole vacation without you. That isn't right.
Make your feelings be heard and don't settle for less. What you want matters and your partner should want you to be happy. You should be the most important thing in her life, not her sister. It concerns me that your feelings are being disregarded. And not only you but your child should be included in everything as well. This is what relationships are about. Having a nice long coversation with your partner should get everything out in the open. Never be afraid to talk to your significant other about anything. A partner is there to be with you through everything and you should be able to talk about anything-even sensitive topics.
I wish you luck and if I can help you further, don't hesitate to send a follow-up.