Lesbian Life/Love or Lust?


i am a 20 yr old lesbian and i have been talking to this girl off and on for about 5 months now. when were together, i feel complete, she's my better half.. the only dilemma is that we are about 4 hrs away from each other which is why we can't really be in a relationship but were both completely dedicated to each other.. she knows exactly how i feel about her as do i about me but lately i have been feeling like my feelings are a lot stronger, more on a love level but i just really dont know how to approach the situation. i dont know if i should tell her or just leave it alone. i just dont want to scare her off. please help.!!!

thank you.

Hello Allegra,

Your situation sounds exactly like my very first relationship. We lived 3.5 hours apart. It was difficult but we really cared about each other so we made it work. I was the first to say "I love you". She was overseas for a few months for school. I wanted to tell her how I felt but I didn't know how. I didn't want to send it in an email or a letter, and I didn't want to say it over the phone. I also didn't want to wait the few months until she came back home to say it in person. I thought about her interests and how I could make it special for her. She loves to read so I made her a book. Kind of silly but it was sweet and she loved it. I drew pictures and wrote a story of "us". We aren't together anymore but she still has the book.

It's ok to tell someone how you feel. It's been 5 months, it isn't like you started dating a few weeks ago. The imortant thing when telling someone how you feel is to be sincere. Does it feel like she really likes you back or do you find that you're doing most of the work for the relationship? If she is putting in as much effort as you are for things to work, you shouldn't be worried about telling her how you feel about her. But, if it doesn't feel right to speak up, it probably isn't. Listen to your gut.

You have nothing to lose in telling her how you feel. If it scares her off, that's ok. It shows that you were wasting your thoughts and feelings on someone who doesn't feel the same about you. You deserve to be with someone who feels the same way about you.

I wish you luck!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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