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QUESTION: Hey,
I am 15 (16 next month) and identified as being lesbian sometime this year, (actually not too long ago, about four months? five? dunno) and I have a girlfriend, she had asked me out, and I know she's had a tough life, and that she's not huge on physical contact and everything. But I have kissed her a couple of times, only, she won't let me kiss her again.

The only times I've kissed her were during a game of spin the bottle (non-alcoholic pretty much everyone just kissed the cheek or back of hand# we did kiss on the lips when it landed on us, when a friend of ours pushed us together then ran away during murder in the dark, and when i made her kiss me before i let her out of my room. Every kiss has been strictly lips only, and lasted no more than two seconds.
She won't let me kiss her again though.
I have asked her why she won't let me at school, and her answer was because she's not big on PDA, I can relate to that.
Her guardian is completely for gay rights, and my mum is too.
But even in private she avoids any conversation, or any moves i might make to kiss her. we've been going out for about a month now.

She is 17 and has identified herself as bi, with a preference to girls.

I just want to know how i could help her open up to me, we don't really act like girlfriends, more . . . just normal friends. #apart from mums continuous questions about her, mum loves that I am who I am)
Help?

ANSWER: Hi Darcy,

First, congrats on coming out so young!

It sounds like your girlfriend may not have romantic feelings for you anymore. I am a person who isn't big on PDA or overly affectionate but I still kiss my wife every day, multiple times every day and hold her hand when she makes me. :) When you like someone, you want to touch them or kiss them, even if physical affections aren't your thing. Also, the fact that she avoids conversations isn't a good sign. Your kisses were very short and during a game and she won't touch you when you're in private. I would say it's probably time to break up and find someone who wants to be with you and will want to kiss you and be affectionate with you. You deserve to be with someone who wants the same things in a relationship that you do.

I would recommend not making any further moves because it is pretty clear she doesn't want you to do that. You should consider breaking up with her. There are many, many girls out there who are wonderful and will treat you well. I wish you lots of luck and if I can help further, don't hesitate to ask.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankyou for the advice, I was wondering how I might break up with her? I want to stay friends with her, but I'm not sure how to go about doing so.

Answer
Hi Darcy,

You could tell her you want to break up but would like to stay friends. Honestly, it doesn't really sound like she sees you as a couple so you might not even need to say anything about breaking up. Just stop trying to kiss her or touch her and think about dating other girls. Just keep being her friend and if she says anything to you about it, then you can discuss it.
I wish you lots of luck!

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Alicia Thompson

Expertise

I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.

Experience

I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

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I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

Education/Credentials
I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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