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Lesbian Life/Do I still love my ex girlfriend


it's been about a while that I had not thought about my ex girlfriend we where dating while in high school. We lasted about two years. The break up did not end well. I thought I was over her, but now I cannot stop thinking about her. We live far from each other I never see her, and we have not spoken in fact she told me she did not want to speak to me anymore. I have respected her wishes. I do not even self identify as lesbian anymore. But, I wonder if all this reminiscing is because I miss her and still love her. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks about me too. We loved each other and were very happy. I can't even remember why we broke up. Does she miss me? think of me? Am I still in love with her even though I have no contact or desire to get back with her?

Hi Jeny,

I have felt the way you do many times so I hope I can be some help to you.

When you are in a relationship and love someone, you still love that person even after the relationship ends. You just love them in a different way. They always have a piece of your heart. So it is normal for you to think of your ex every now and then and to think of them fondly even though things may have ended badly.

I can't say if she misses you or thinks of you. Most likely she does. Even after some of my worst relationships ended and some time had passed, they reached out with a friendly "how are you?". I think that's normal.

It's possible you just miss her company and friendship and not necessarily the relationship and romance. Having been in your situation, this is the advice I would give.

If you have her email or facebook page, send her a brief, non-romantic hello. Keep it simple and just say a lot of time has passed and you missed talking to her. Don't have any expectations from your message. She may not respond. But she might. There is no need to approach contacting her with romantic interest anyway. You live far apart and you no longer identify as lesbian. There is no reason you can't be friends. But, her hurt might be really deep and she might not be able to forgive. If she doesn't write back, then you know she isn't ready to talk.

Life is short and if you miss someone, tell them so. I wish you the best. Good luck!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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