Lesbian Life/Just friendly or not



I have recently met a friend of a friend and we clicked instantly, I mean as we could become great friends. Oky, so I invited her to tag along with me and another friend(guy) one night, she said yes which was unexpected becoz I didn't know her long. So when the guy left to get us drinks she randomly said when she first saw me she thought I was gay, I asked why she thought that firstly becoz I was shocked and secondly becoz I told her a few nights before that I have a boyfriend (becoz she asked who was on my profile picture and it was one of my bf). Her reply to me was, I don't know, just looked like it. Now being me I wanted to know why she said it, so I looked up on her profile and found that she was interested in men and women, I was kinda shocked at that. I can't stop wondering why she said that mainly becoz I've never heard that before. And might she be interested in me? And what I should do about it if so.


Hi Violet,

I've witnessed this situation quite a bit. The first thing I would ask is whether or not you find yourself attracted to her or are you strictly into men? It's hard to say if she is interested in you. I would say yes but some women are just really "say whatever comes to mind" kind of people and maybe she thought you looked gay and end of thought. But, since she asked about your boyfriend I would think there is some interst there.

What do you want to do about it? Are you interested in something physical or are you only interested in friendship? If you are only interested in friendship you need to make it very clear that you have a boyfriend and you are not interested in a physical relationship with her. If she doesn't respect that then you probably shouldn't be friends with her.

If you are interested in her it gets a little complicated. You need to respect your relationship with your boyfriend and tell him what is going on. Cheating is never right. You need to talk with him before doing anything about your new friend. Some guys are ok with their girlfriends being with women and some are not. If he isn't and you want to stay with him then tell her what I said in the paragraph above. If he is ok with it or you guys break-up then the situation gets a little easier. When you and your friend are together, bring up the gay comment again and say something like, " You weren't completely wrong about that" or something like that and then flirt your butt off. When someone wants you, you really don't have to do much to get things rolling.

The bottom line depends on what you want. Only you know what you want or want to do. Just remember, don't sneak around or lie or anything like that. Be honest and forward and things will be ok. Good luck!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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