Lesbian Life/girl freind


QUESTION: we have been together for 7 years now and this pasted year she tried to cheat on two times I think we are making some head weight we are laughing again and talking about everything and she just seems happy and as long as I have her I'm happy. but there's just one problem with this she acks like she don't want to have sex anymore I feel like I'm always trying. she will have sex but only if I strait it I want her to want it to.

ANSWER: Hello Deborah,

Thank you for your question.

Have you discussed her not wanting sex with you?

It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart discussion with her about this.  And, while things seem to be going well in other parts of your relationship, you may feel that you don't want to rock the boat at this point, which makes it difficult to bring this up?

But, if you are unhappy, or are feeling let down that she doesn't seem interested in sex, then you probably should talk about this.  It is hard to talk about sex in a relationship, but here are some links that can help you.

1. This article talks about how desires change in long term relationships-

2. Here is an article on how to talk about sexual problems in a relationship-

3. And, this one is about differences in sex drive-

I really think that communication is the only way to get to the bottom of this. It could be that her levels of desire for you have decreased over time (see article 1).  This happens in most long term relationships.  Sometimes you can fix this, other times you can't.  Many relationships go on to be good relationships without sex and evolve into something else. However, that may not be what you want. But I think you should try to find out how she feels and why she seems unwilling to have sex with you. It may not be what you want to hear, but at least you will know.  And, if she loves you, there may be ways to make it work.

At any rate, please do read the articles and try to communicate about this. It is the only way you will find out how she feels and hopefully be able to work through it.

If you have any other questions, let me know.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for replying to my message. How do I get her interested in sex again? She says there's no problem there. I think so! So what do I do to make her want to get all fixed up and just be in that mowed? I want her to take better care of herself not just for me but for her. Were do I start? I want her to live in the moment not think about it start.

Hello     deborah,

That is a very complicated question, that I can't answer.  The best thing would be to talk to her and find out why she is feeling this way.  maybe she is depressed and needs medical help?  Maybe she has lost the flame in the relationship.  Everyone is different, so you really need to talk with her about this.


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I am happy to answer any questions female sexuality, lesbianism, and girl/girl sex. Whether you identify as a lesbian, a butch, queer, a bisexual, or are simply curious or don't know, I'm happy to answer your questions.


I consider myself to be queer. I have a background in human sexuality, and can answer any questions relating to female sexuality, gender and sexual orientation.

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