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Ok. My ex-girlfriend and I have been together for two years. The relationship was pretty serious. Our first year dating was AMAZING! We did not argued and anything at all. Our first big arguement was a year later. But we were always be able to solve the issue in less than 20 minutes. BUT there was some issue that I cant trust her around with one of her ex. I have a very good reason and that reason is that her ex ALWAYS abuse her weakness and the relationship goes downhill.

Now, my ex dumped me, saying that she is not herself lately and then there were few different reason that does not make any sense. Now she say that she does not love me anymore, she liked her ex (the girl that abused her weakness)and it really does kill me apart. She now became very distant, she has not been herself lately BUT she also confused me. Sometime I caught her staring at me, sometime she would flirt and then she would become mean and talk like we will never be together again.

To be honest, I did freaked out couple of time, so scared of losing her and all that. And I did made her stop talking to that girl which I think I made a big mistake for doing that. My fear and my anxiety DID push her away. But I can't help it. So, please please help me to understand better and to win her back. What can I do to win her heart again? I absoultely do not want to abuse her weakness or anything like that. How do I get my love back? I mean, why should we waste our two amazing years together? We went through so much together. Help.

Answer
Hi Heather,

Sorry for the delay-I wanted to take some time to think about your situation before I answered.

The most important part of your situation is that you need to listen to what your ex is telling you. It is difficult to actually hear what your significant other is trying to tell you when your heart is breaking. If she says she doesn't love you anymore and she likes someone else, you need to take that at face value. Why would you want to be with someone who says she doesn't love you anymore and likes someone else? Also, why would you want to be with someone you don't trust 100%-even with their exes. Relationships are based on trust. A healthy relationship cannot exist if you can't trust your partner ALL of the time with ALL people. You'll drive yourself crazy with jealousy and doubt.

You can't control people. Making her not talk to someone is not a healthy relationship. And freaking out at someone, even because of a broken heart, will push someone away and make them not want to be with you.

The best thing you can do is let her go. If she still loves you, she will get in touch with you when she figures things out. Constantly contacting her or freaking out at her will just make the situation worse. I've been in this situation several times and this is what I have learned every time. You can't make someone love you or be with you. You have to listen to what they are telling you. And believe me, if she still loves you, she WILL get back with you when she is ready. You can't rush it or force it to happen.

While she is figuring out what she wants, work on what makes you happy. You deserve to be happy. Spend time with your friends and when you feel the urge to contact her, talk to your friends instead. That is what friends are for. :) Get out and date a little. Why not? She's out with her ex, you should go out and see if you meet someone you trust and someone who wants to be with you. You deserve to be happy. I also recommend watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It's the perfect break-up movie. You'll laugh and you'll see parts of your own relationship and how to heal.

Good luck and you will be fine. Time heals everything. Be patient and everything will work out one way or another.  

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Alicia Thompson

Expertise

I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.

Experience

I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

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I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

Education/Credentials
I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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