Lesbian Life/The Letter
Ok. I need your opinion on the letter that I wrote to my ex-girlfriend(we broke up for a month now)and please be honest with me. Tell me if I said it wrong and tell me how I can change; what part that is wrong. I don't want any errors or something that will led to bad things. -------
"It seems like you are stuck with the past where I had a couple of breakdowns and that you think of things that I did not plan on. You tend to think that we argued for two years and I am here to tell you that you are not right. On summer of 2011, it was our first break-up and I "escaped" to other state. We did not argued that BAD. Our first big argument were one year later. Beside all of our other arguments, we were always able to solve it in less than ten minutes. I remember things very clearly.
I knew that my PTSD drives you crazy but did you not realize about how the first year with my medicines and the other year without the medicine is different? Way, way different? You did love me for WHO I am, not for WHAT I am. There is sort of a "cure" for PTSD, it just that I have to be on medicine and I will be me, not a stranger.
It is my fault for pushing you away. It is my fault for not getting help quick enough and it is also my fault that you dumped me. It is my fault because of my behavior and how I gave you the hard time; I forgot how to control myself. I am the biggest jerk to you and I did not mean for that to happen. I never want to hurt you but I did. I disappointed you and your mom. I am the one that ruined our relationship and I couldn't forgive myself for that. I became more & more careless ever since I did not get any help and it is MY FAULT. I feel like I am the worst person on Earth that I hurts you and how I made you not wanting me anymore. It is completely my fault for lost somebody so amazing like you. I am and always will be the biggest jerk alive for how I did made you hate the love.
You were my everything.. No, you are my everything. You helped me to build my trusts even though I slipped sometime. It took me a year to finally open myself up. I have a very hard time trusting people but you were my knight in armor. You were the first person that I devotee to and this was the first, precious, and serious relationship that I've ever had. You gave me an expensive ring. I was your "Hikari", and you will always be my "Koibito".. You were my sunshine at a night-time. You made me believe that I can be a better person; you were the only person that believes in me while most of my family have doubts in me. I fought against my darkness everyday and sometime I failed but you always give me a reason to not give up.
A-, I will love to have you back but that do not mean that I want to be in a relationship with you. For you, I can wait. I wants to start all over like when we first met. New memory and new everything. Take things very slow. It doesn't have to be a "January 29, 2011" thingy. Just brand-new.
Sometime, it is hard to believe that you actually dumped me and it's funny how I started to remember all the precious memories with you.. You were my dream come true, its like my ma sent you to me. You are the finest things of all. You worth more than all of the precious items in the world..I would never replace you for anything even if it is for fame & fortunate. Your heart is my gold,your happiness is what make me feel rich on the inside and having you in my life is like a paradise.
I promise you that I will always, always be there for you, no matter what. I will always encourage you to achieve your goals and your dreams. I believe in you; I know that you can do it even if you have doubts in yourself. I will always make sure that you will success through your college years. I wants the best for you. I know that you can do it, my Koibito. Don't you ever, ever dare to give up even when you feel like everything is worthless.
I loved you and I still love you, (no name). I always will, my love.. This will be the last time that I said these kind of thing to you, so, please don't ever forget that I will always be here for you, love."
The End. I need your feedbacks. Your honest opinion. Will it win her back? Will it push her more farther? WIll it improve some things? What? Is it a good way to send her that letter? Tell me if I did said something wrong. Please.
The best we can do, in any situation in life, is to decide how to approach a specific situation and then detach ourselves from the outcome. This means that, we must know in our hearts that we have no control over what happens in the world around us in the end and we cannot influence another person's heart every time. We must always be ready to accept, 'what is' and be equipped to walk away, at a moment's notice.
There is a type of therapy called Imago. In that setting, the patient tells the other person how she feels. For example you might say, when I feel rejected by you, I feel worthless. And we leave it at that.
The other person then replies by repeating back to you, what you have just said, without judgment, for example, she may say:
What I hear you saying is that, "when you feel as if I have rejected you, you feel worthless."
On a regular basis, the average person doesn't communicate like this, but with the added buffer, at the therapist's office, and with the built-in mediator, it is easier, because he will interrupt if an argument ensues or to add more suggestions.
Aside from handling things that way, I do not know of any form of communication that can help you to get her to interact with you again, much less, to fall in love with you.
Something that I will always advise against though is to never bombard the other person with YOU-statements. "You did this, you did that." Also, you cannot make your condition, meds or no meds, her responsibility.
We can each only take on as much as our share of the burden. To ask another person to take on responsibilities assigned to us or to try and take on their burden, is not advisable and could be the detriment of any relationship.
I hope this helps a bit and I hope it helps you to see that if you have told her these things in the past, telling her again, will not help her see the light.
You may not be able to save 'this' particular relationship, but you will help yourself to do better in future relationships by embarking on a path of self-discovery, healing and availing yourself of the proper professional assistance, to help you accomplish this.
Make sure that in your next attempt at a relationship, you are presenting her with as flaw-free of a package and irresistible #you# as possible.
Everyone knows in their heart, when they have had enough. If she is asking you for separation, you must grant her that and respect her boundaries. Nothing will ensure you a guaranteed, permanent separation, more than overstepping someone's boundaries will.