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Hello,

My girlfriend broke up with me this last wednesday. She said that we're in two different places right now. I have a bad tendency to push people and make the situation worse. After she ended it i got extremely upper and blew up her phone because i needed answers. I talked yo her today and she said if i had let it be then i might have had another chance. She says she needs space so i told her I'd give that too her. The worst part about it is she said she's fallen out of love with me in the last two weeks. How is that possible? She has a stressful job and said she can't handle the stress of that and a relationship right now. Do you think if i give her space that she might give me another chance? I really do love her! Please help!

Answer
Hi there,

Yes! Absolutely! Give her space and time. From my own personal experiences and what I have witnessed of other people's relationships, giving someone time is the best thing you can do if you want an ex to take you back. Now, be aware, it is possible it might not happen but if it can happen, your best bet is to give her some time to miss you.

I had an ex who dumped me and I hounded her constantly to give me another chance and every time I did, it pushed her further away. Once I respected her space and gave her time to think about things and miss me, she began contacting me again and wanting to see me.

The best thing you can do for her (and yourself) is to listen to what she is telling you. It's a mistake that all of us have made at one point in time or another when we are dumped to only think about our hearts and how we feel instead of what our significant other is telling us. Is she telling you she fell out of love with you just to hurt you (did you have a war with words and that was her comeback) or does she really mean it? If her saying that just came out of nowhere then you need to take it at face value because there is a possibility she thinks she has fallen out of love with you. If it came during the heat of an argument then she probably doesn't mean it but you still have to listen to what she is saying.

Right now, you both need space and time. Easier said than done but it will do you both some good (as hard as it may be). We've all been there and it hurts like hell but you'll come out a better person in the end and be a better girlfriend to her or the next woman to walk into your life. You both need time to think about what went wrong in the relationship and heal yourselves. You can't jump back into a broken relationship. Time really does heal everything.

Constantly contacting someone who broke up with you is the worst thing you can do (I say this as someone who is an emotional person and has done this, too). If you have close friends go to them. If you feel like you need to contact her, go to your friends instead and talk to them about it. Go for a walk, watch sad love story movies, or listen to sad music but whatever you do, don't contact her. She'll come to you when she's ready to talk to you. Increasing her stress won't help the situation and it will stress you out too when she doesn't respond the way you want her to.

Find ways to keep busy and know that if it is meant to be, she'll find her way back to you and if it isn't meant to be, then focus on finding your happiness and know that you will find someone else who wants to be with you.

I wish you luck and no matter what happens, everything will work out!

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Alicia Thompson

Expertise

I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.

Experience

I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

Organizations
I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

Education/Credentials
I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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