Lesbian Life/relationship


came out late, bad 5 yr relationship and now in a very good one. Prob is she is still very connected with her ex. They text/talk every day, a lot. The ex will come and spend a weekend. She is very needy and always has drama in her life. She is not out to friends/family or coworkers. I am not handling this very well. My new lady is a rescuer. She likes being needed. I do not need rescuing or saving. I feel like I am being displaced by her. hate this.

Dear Friend,

The two of you need to talk. Your relationship is still very new. The ex is not the problem, but the lack of communication between the two of you, must be addressed.

It strikes me as odd that, although you do not need rescuing, you describe your new love interest as a "rescuer." Why her, then? Is she right for you? Ask yourself in what ways?

If you have read my column before, you know that I often caution women against jumping into a relationship, before they get to know enough about the other person. Now, you are learning about each other and you are already involved. You must both be patient and welcome the other person's perspective. It might be different than your own. If you are finding it difficult to work on the very basics, couple's counseling is a better bet starting out, than it is as a last resort. If she doesn't want counseling, you can go first, by yourself.

Know that if she made a deal with you and then... did not live up to her end of the deal, she probably was either not sincerely committed to the agreement or she didn't understand it.

You are entitled to your feelings about what took place. Feelings are never wrong.  

Once you have expressed your feelings on the matter, stop and listen to hers, without judgment. Make sure she knows you heard her and understand where she is coming from.

You both deserve the best possible relationship that meets your needs. Do not settle for less.  

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Lena Torres


Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day life. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer readers to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help on these issues). No questions with sexual content, especially from under-age readers.


Worked within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.

FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.

B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.

Awards and Honors
Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.

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