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Lesbian Life/She approached me, but now she never has time to hang out


So this girl at work, who is definitely a lesbian, approached me and gave me her number and said to text her sometime. But she never has any time to go do something. If she was interested wouldn't she make time? (And she asked me if I was dating anyone when we were talking.)

Also, she gives all the signs that she's interested in person, but then online when we're talking she acts weird. Like she'll message me on facebook saying hi and then I'll respond right away and ask her something and she won't respond for hours. And it seems like she won't message me if she knows I'm online, like she'll wait until I sign off to do it.

I'm so confused, I don't understand what she's looking for. Do you have any advice? Is she playing hard to get or what? Thanks for your help.


Well, I see this woman doing one of two things- either she is playing games with you or she is super shy. My guess is games but who knows. :) It is possible she is super busy but still, she would find a way to squeeze you in there somewhere.

It kind of sounds like she wants you to chase her but why would she go out of her way to do that? She approached you and wanted you to contact her. And yes, you are correct, if she was interested in you she would make time.

No matter what her reasoning is for this behavior, the best thing for you to do is to stop initiating contact and let her come to you. You should think about what you are looking for from her. People like this don't usually make good significant others because they never have time for the other person or they play games all the time. You might be better off just letting it go-unless of course you really like her or you enjoy playing the dating game too (I think it's normal for all of us to want to play these games a little bit, nothing wrong with that). :)

If you still want to pursue her, I would say to just let her come to you and initiate all contact. Make her work for your attention. I had a girlfriend who did the same thing-send me messages and then not respond when I reply or ask a question. She just wanted attention and to drive me crazy. Don't give in to it. Usually, by not chasing after this kind of person, they will either make the necessary change to have you around and treat you much better or they just won't talk to you anymore which shows they were never really interested in the first place.

And, if you let her come to you, don't respond immediately. Make her wait it out a bit and see how it feels. Like I said, no matter what her intentions are with you, this is a game. Think about what you are looking for and go from there.

I hope this helps and if it doesn't, feel free to follow-up. Good luck!

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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