Lesbian Life/help talking to my son


I have a son who's almost 12, his father is and has always been in and out of jail and non existent. I have had long term relationships with men in my younger yrs and when he was a baby, however have also been involved with women as a late teen moving forward..now as a 35 yr old woman I have only tried dating one man in the last 10yrs and it lasted 3short mths and knew I was only lying to myself after a horrible break up with my 1st long term live in gf at the time..my son at about 8yrs old asked me if I was a lesbian and I told him no then bc I wasn't ready to hurt him, after that I have had one more long term gf whom he adored, that went south and he was crushed bc she was his bff even tho he was unsure if she was my gf..present day I am with the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life, and he has not came to me, but has expressed disgust and sadness of his lack of knowledge of my sexulaity..I've always tiptoed around it bc I don't want to disappoint him. He already has no father, but now realizing his mother is a lesbian may send him in a downward sprial...i just need some guidance asap...HHHEELLPPPP PLEASE


Dear Friend,

It is sad to hear that your son's father has such a history and might not be a part of his boy's life.

On the matter of coming out to your child - I subscribe to the belief that: When children ask, it means that they are ready to know.

The question then becomes one of making sure that 'how' you tell him is age-appropriate.

The Human Rights Campaign and other such LGBT organizations, put together lists, guidelines and suggestions on the subject of coming out to children and to others.

Hopefully, you have ensured 2 things: A# That he has been told the #age-appropriate# truth about the loving adult relationships, all along and B) You have remained open on the subject of all types of orientations and have shown him by example that all people are worthy of respect -- It is not too late to start today.

If you have used words like gay and lesbian in a loving, inclusive way it will make it easier.
Know, that telling him you are a lesbian and that you love a woman, cannot hurt him -- lying to him, can.

Tell him in private. This moment is between you and your child. Explain, why you have not told him before.

Then, give him time to digest everything in case he has never suspected and needs to start processing it all from scratch after you tell him. His reaction may vary. Be prepared for changes. But rest-assured that telling him is by far, the better, option -- for him.

Afterward -- Remain open and inviting about all conversation on any subject he brings up.

He will need to be reassured that you love him. His well-being is as important as ever to you -- he needs to know this.

There are many LGBT family organizations - Community Centers, Churches and Activity groups where you can introduce your 12-year-old to other children of gay and lesbian parents. This will provide the much needed language, ammunition and self-confidence, he will need when he feels different around others.  

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Lena Torres


Can Answer Questions about Lesbian Life: Dating, Relationships, Breakups, Cheating and Every day life. Prefer not to Respond to: Intricate Psychological Disorder questions (though I can refer readers to other resources i.e. websites/counceling for information and help on these issues). No questions with sexual content, especially from under-age readers.


Worked within the domestic violence field, assisting victims to get their lives back on track; through facilitating support-groups, workshops and individual counceling. Continue to be an active member of the lesbian community, providing referals and support to fellow lesbians through church and other groups.

FVS (domestic violence group in Florida) and various church groups.

B.A. in Journalism, with heavy research concentration in Social Psychology and Human Relations. Working toward Masters.

Awards and Honors
Received commendation award for public relations work and teamwork/unity and team-leadership awards within a corporate setting.

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