Lesbian Life/I need some advise..


Hey there, I'm hoping you can help me in my time of need. I'm currently 16 and living in Canada. Just over a year ago a met a girl in one of my classes. We clicked the day we met and have been best friends ever since. I truly cannot see my life without her - at anytime. Over time I have completely fell head over heels for her. Honestly I think I'm in love for the first time. The only problem is; she's straight.

When her and I are together, we kind of act like we are in a relationship. Even around other people. She'll always be really close at my side - so we're touching. Or she will ask me to run my fingers in her hair. I also do cute things for her like make her food, and watch movies in bed with her. She even snuggles with me sometimes. I cherish those times so dearly.

I'm trying so hard to fall out of this forbidden love. But the feeling is too strong. When I look into her eyes, all I can think about is kissing her so deeply. It hurts just too much now. I'm so scared if I tell her how I feel, she will act different towards me. We have such a great friendship and I wouldn't be able to handle loosing her from my life.

Is this real love or just puppy love?

Should I keep trying to fall out of love? If so, how can I do so without avoiding her?

Thank you so much for your time :) I really hope you can help! xo

Hi Sydney,

Well, it certainly sounds like the real deal and not puppy love. It's really a tough situation to be in- a situation that the majority of gay people have been in at some point in their life.

You really need to take care of your feelings and your heart. You are young and should be happy and having fun. I'm pretty sure you are not happy while pining over your best friend.

The best thing you can do is be honest with her. Friends don't snuggle, touch all the time, or run their fingers through the other person's hair. That is what couples do. If she isn't interested in you romantically, then these things shouldn't be happening because it is confusing to your heart and mind.

She is your best friend so you should be able to talk to her about anything-even your feelings. If she is truly a friend, she will understand and want to support you. If all goes well, you need to set boundaries with your friendship. No more cuddling while watching movies, have some physical distance when you hang out together, and no fingers through the hair. You need to act like you are just friends because if this behavior continues and she is 100% straight, you are just going to be tortured and broken-hearted. She might push you away for awhile but if you are truly best friends, she will come back into your life once she has time to wrap her head around things.

If you don't talk to her about it, you will just go on feeling this way and it will only get worse. How will you feel when you continue on with these feelings and she gets a boyfriend? It will hurt all the worse (I've been in your shoes before and it is awful). Believe me, it will hurt more if you keep going on like this and she gets involved with someone else than it will to talk with her about how you feel and she pushes you away.

Unfortunately, there is no on/off switch for feelings. It sure would be nice though, wouldn't it? :) What are you currently doing to try to fall out of love with her? You deserve to be happy and that will only happen when you can let go of these feelings for her. By telling her how you feel, you will be letting go of all that because she will either surprise you and say she feels the same way about you or she will say she doesn't and then your heart knows 100% that it needs to move on to someone who can love you.

It is rough to have these conversations but you really will feel better after. You may even find that your friendship is even stronger after everything is settled. Don't stress about your friendship-that will take care of itself. Focus on your feelings and your heart.

I hope it all works out for you and if I can guide you further, feel free to follow-up. Good luck!  

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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