Lesbian Life/Sex Therapy

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Question
Hi Domina

I have written to quite a few experts on here, and they all gave me very good advice. However, I have not yet asked about therapy - it has always been considered last resort in my opinion. So, sadly the time has come for me to realize I have now tried everything in my power to change my situation and nothing has improve. If anything, it has just become worse.

In short; I am 25, and my partner 26. We have been in a very loving, caring and respectful relationship for almost 7 years now. And as it goes, our sex life has become a total disaster. It slowly decreased to now, NOTHING AT ALL for the last few months. I have a much higher sex drive than her, number 1. And number 2: Her capabilities are not what I wish it to be. Though I have never criticised her or made her feel uncomfortable, she knows it and feels very inadequate. This make us both feel powerless. Talking does not work, I have tried every approach. She hates communicating.

How do you feel about therapy? It is expensive and uncomfortable and I do not wish to "waste my time" if it is not worth it. However, I would do anything to save my relationship.

Thank you for taking the time

Regards,

Answer
Hello J.,

Thank you for your question.

Regarding therapy, it would be a last chance effort to try to make things work out between you two.  So, if you feel that you have exhausted all other areas, and she still will not communicate with you about it, you could try therapy.  However, she would have to be willing to go with you and if she is non-commutative now, she may be the same in therapy.  So, it may be a waste of time and money.

Have you talked about therapy with her yet?  That would be the first step, to suggest it as a solution and see how she feels.

Whether or not it works depends on you and her and the Councillor you would get.  Just like doctors and teachers, there are good ones and not so good ones.  So finding the right one may be a challenge, or you may luck out right away.  The best bet is to try and find someone via word of mouth or recommendations. that perhaps your friends may know, or talk to your doctor about it so they can recommend someone.

However, ultimately it is up to you and her, whether counseling will be any help. Unfortunately, sometimes there is no help and you have to choose whether you are willing to stay with your partner as things are, or move on.

Sorry, there are no easy answers to this.  I wish you the best and hope you find something that will work for you both.

Thanks,
Domina

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Domina

Expertise

I am happy to answer any questions female sexuality, lesbianism, and girl/girl sex. Whether you identify as a lesbian, a butch, queer, a bisexual, or are simply curious or don't know, I'm happy to answer your questions.

Experience

I consider myself to be queer. I have a background in human sexuality, and can answer any questions relating to female sexuality, gender and sexual orientation.

Publications
WomensHealth.com, PopMyCherryReview.com, Sex Life Canada, BlogHer.com, the Sex Carnival, Whiplash!, SMUT, Divine Caroline, Carnal nation, Good Vibes magazine, Lover Magazine, Broken Pencil, AltSexTalk, Ezine Articles, Real Sex Toy Reviews, Boinkology, Examiner, Vibrator.com, and many more.

Education/Credentials
6 years working in the sex toy industry 5 years reviewing sex toys and writing articles on sexuality BFA and a BA Numerous workshops on sexuality and sex toys in general.

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