Lesbian Life/terrible mistake
I am a mature age student of 46 studying at university and madly in love with a female lecturer and unit assessor of the same age,I am a lesbian.It was love at first sight and I cannot keep my eyes off her,am almost certain she is feeling and perhaps liking the attraction and never averts her gaze when we pass each other.There has been some fairly obvious flirtations,never any touching.I am also pretty sure I have noticed her being in the same place as me at the same time when I know that she really does not need to be,get my drift?and a couple of weeks ago she told me that she really wanted to have me in her class next term,she tutors a certain subject which I have not quite made up my mind wether I am going to take or not as there are other choices depending on my interest at the time.
I am a fairly confident and intelligent person however find myself struck dumb like a love sick teenager whenever I am in her presence and can barely string a few words together!Feeling so fed up with this reaction and sick of wondering if she is actually interested or just curious or I if am just fantasizing decided to e mail her telling her how I feel and that I really wanted her(blah!)and maybe we can get together someday out of uni.I feel so pathetic for not being able to ask her directly and feel like the e mail was bordering on harassment,I want to die and have to face her at uni in 3 days,worse yet I sent the e mail through the uni site because I had no other way of contacting her and there was a spelling error! I also feel that this was a selfish thing to do given her position.I really dont know how to rectify this,needless to say she has not returned my e mail or phoned me although it has been a long weekend end so there is the possibility that she has not checked her uni e mail yet? I gave her all of my contacts and there was no pressure to get back to me.
When I read your letter, this article about knowing when you are in-love, came to mind, here is the link:
If you like her, you did the right thing in telling her so. Some exceptions would be, for one thing, if dating a student were prohibited at your university or if she were married, if you were under age, etc., -- you get the drift. Otherwise, it was not necessarily wrong to declare your deep level of admiration for her. Of course, I don't know what words you chose.
If someone told me that they are "in love" with me, after only having known me for a few weeks, I might consider them somewhat unstable and might prefer to keep my distance. This may or may not be what is happening here.
In any case, what's done is done. You have let the proverbial cat out of the bag, so to speak.
Now, all that remains is to await her response. I have heard of cases where a straight woman #not yet having come to terms with her attraction for another woman#, has needed several years to decide what is going on within her. Even if she likes the woman. We do not know if this describes her. Only time will tell.
Though, I understand the desperation you must be feeling in not having heard from her -- you were commendably straightforward and brave and that deserves recognition and self-praise.
Take the credit due and expect nothing more. Consider anything positive that happens next, as a bonus and chalk anything negative up to part of the territory, resulting from taking appropriate risks. Risks are necessary in life, if one is to bring about personal growth.