QUESTION: I sent you an e mail and have not had a response,think I am having problems with account or I didnt put au on end of my e mail address so want to see if this e mail address will send and if it does are you still able to send a response to my concern?
ANSWER: Hi Samantha,
I answered your question at 3:23pm Eastern Standard Time today. I have copied and pasted my response from earlier.
To start, don't beat yourself up. You're human and we all make mistakes. While it is a bit of an embarassing situation, you and your instructor are the only people in your classes who know about it so don't stress over it too much.
The first piece of advice I would give to you is to keep your distance from her. While age wouldn't be a factor for getting into trouble over this, it can still cause trouble if she were to report your email. Most colleges and universities have rules in place about faculty and students have personal relationships. You don't want to get into trouble over this so I would highly recommend not contacting your instructor ever again. Finish out the course you are taking with her and then avoid her like the plague for the rest of your college career. If you must take another class with her (sometimes it is inevitable) continue keeping your distance. Avoid eye contact, if you have questions about course work as it during class time and not during her office hours or at any point when you would be alone (and don't email), and make some friends in class so you feel more comfortable when she is around.
Don't feel ashamed of yourself. You had a crush and you went for it. Pretty brave move. Don't let this break your heart. You will be fine. Give her time. If she really has an interest in you, she may contact you once your class is over. And if not, it's ok. You've learned that you are brave and now you can approach someone else and get a date from them. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving. That's the best thing you can do.
You'll be laughing with your friends over this in no time. I had a crush on one of my professors during my freshman year of college. I waited until our class was done and made my move. We went out a few times and talked on the phone often. Then she decided she couldn't be gay and broke my heart. And then I transferred schools and found myself sitting in one of her classes (I was not aware she had started working somewhere else). I dropped that class pretty quickly. My point is, we have all been there one way or another so don't feel embarassed or ashamed.
Keep your chin up and don't dwell over this. Do the best you can with your school work and the class will be over before you know it and you won't have to see her again (hopefully). Or, maybe things will work out. Don't write her off just yet but don't pursue anything with her any further. The ball is in her court. This too shall pass. Everything will be ok.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi there again Alicia,
Thank you so much for your perfect advice it was just what I needed to hear and is actually what I am doing, the only problem is and I dont remember if I mentioned it in my question to you,is that I did e mail her again.
I had to do something because I was getting very upset and not sleeping so I apologized deeply,admitted what I did was wrong and that I had actually undermined her position and that she deserved to be courted in a correct and timely manner and incase she was feeling uncomfortable I let her know that I would take a huge step back and focus on my studies and I promised no more e mails.
I have avoided her so much that I actually have not seen her but at some stage I will and from next term She will be involved in my uni life in a big way for the next two and a half years.
Given what I did I am actually ok with letting her go and using those strategies I am just really concerned that she will dislike me and I need her on my side as this degree will lead to very good job prospects.
Thank you so much for sharing your story too,that was very important to me.
Yours so gratefully Samantha
It puts you in a difficult situation that she will play such a big role for the rest of your academic career. Your situation really depends on her personality at this point. If she is the type of person that can put this whole thing behind her then you should be fine working with her over the next couple of years. However, if she acts hostile or uncomfortable in your presence, you might be better to request someone else to take over the role she has in your education. I've known a lot of people who had to go to the dean or higher to request someone else to oversee their college career. It is a real possibility you might need to do that. Feel it out first. Whatever you do, do not bring up your emails or contact her again about any of this. Good luck.