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This question has a lot of background history, but basically i really need to know if i'm wasting my time pursuing this girl and if i should just give up and move on?

The background is, the night B* and I met she was very flirty, she didn't know i liked girls. That night a mutual friend pointed out another girl and told me it was B's girlfriend. From that moment, I didn't think anything of the flirting we shared an hour earlier.
A few days later, B's best friend/roomie and I started texting and flirting and went on a date and ended up heading home and sleeping together. This lasted about a month but it was too much for me, i was clear from the start that I didn't want a relationship as my girlfriend had broken up with me a month earlier and it was my first girl, so i was pretty hurt.
Eventually I ended things because she liked me alot more than i liked her.. We tried to remain friends.

During this time I started hanging out with B alot as her and her girlfriend were in a rocky spot and I was being a good friend and taking her shopping etc. Eventually B and her girl broke up and it was a terrible breakup.

One night, a few weeks later, there was a massive party and we were all out dancing, and B came up to me and was very touchy feely toward me and told me she'd been attracted to me since the day we met but then I started dating her friend so she had to back off... It was then i kindof realised I was not only attracted to her, but had feelings for her.

The only thing that stopped us from kissing that night was respect to her best friend, who was also there and still had feelings for me.

About a week later at another party, we were flirting outrageously and kept nearly kissing and she would pull out at the last second. It began to get frustrating.

Then i won tickets to a show a friend was in, so i took her and we ended up going back to hers and that night we finally kissed. She said we werent going to sleep together because 'she wanted to leave me wanting more'. Every now and then we would kiss good night and stuff.

Now We often have sleepovers where we snuggle all night but never kiss. I didnt know why....I then found out shed started seeing another girl, and although we wren't an item, it hurt!
During that time we made out at a party in the bathroom and that was it.

Then she came to visit me a few weeks ago and we spent the whole night making out in my bed and she told me she wasn't seeing anyone anymore because she wasnt sexually attracted to her like she was to me.

Since that night, we haven't even hung out one on one.. I don't know why. She seems super friendly but everytime we organize a sleep over she changes the plans. She's been talking to her ex (the badly ending relationship), alot lateley and i'm worried she is falling for her again, not for my sake but she was in a realy bad place with this girl and i don't want it to happen again... Only i cant say anything because it will just look like im jealous.. In a way I am because I do want to be kissing her still.

I just want to know if i'm wasting my time and if i should move on? or keep persisting...
Thankyou so much!!

Hi there,

Well, your situation sounds a lot like one I have witnessed many times. My advice to you would be to run for the hills!!! :)

Girls like this tend to jump from one warm body to another and just use people until the next one comes along. She was probably using you while she was still secretly fantasizing about the ex. Her changing plans before a sleepover is probably her way of getting out of doing something bad (in the eyes of her ex) while not letting you on that she is still with (or wanting to be with) her ex. By making plans for a sleepover with you, she still has you on her hook and thinking she wants you and she is keeping you on the side in case things don't work out with the ex while making the ex think there is no one else in her romantic life.

I've dated girls like this too. They just want company and attention. They string you along while dating someone else. And usually, the one they are dating isn't giving them everything they need (attention, cuddles, things like that) so they come running to someone who will and that is all they are looking for.

The thing to think about is this. You cuddle her all night but no kissing. Well, if she really liked you, there would be some kissing, a kiss, at least. She wouldn't want to "leave you wanting more" because she would be wanting more, too. I've known many girls who will cuddle with any warm body that will have her.

I think you are definitely wasting your time. When the right ones come along, you'll never wonder if you're wasting your time or wondering what is going on with the relationship. Don't ever waste your time on girls like this. Find someone who likes you and doesn't play games. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and appreciates you.

I wish you all the best! Take care.

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Alicia Thompson


I can answer questions about lesbian relationships, dating, coming out, what to do if you like someone who isn't a lesbian, and how to know if you or someone else is a lesbian. I am also willing to be a friendly ear to anyone who just needs someone to talk to-sometimes that is all we need.


I am a lesbian and have lived openly for over 15 years. I had to figure lesbian life out on my own because it wasn't socially acceptable when I came out. I belonged to gay clubs in college and have pretty much seen it all in the gay community. i am currently in a very happy lesbian relationship but I had to date a lot of toads before I found my princess. I've always been the advice giver for my friends. I just like to see people happy and talking to someone on the outside of the situation usually helps.

I volunteer for the local YMCA and served as a Big Sister until the local chapter ran out of money and closed.

I have an Associate's Degree in Humanities and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications.

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